.Sadness

Dear Diary (( 3:32 PM ))

Right now I am literally sobbing all over myself.
My form for my private school is due tomorrow at 12 in the afternoon and my dad said that he'd talk to my mom about it since they have to pay for the school and my mom called saying that she doesn't want to pay.
I feel like they just don't care enough about me to let me go there.
If my brother was allowed to go to a private school that cost the sane amount of money, then why don't they let ME go?

I don't want to go!!!!!
People there are in gangs and smoke and the school is too big and it's all just full of losers. The school doesn't even care if I go or not, so I'll probably end up failing all my classes and I'll end up cutting school and having a horrible high school experience.

I'm crying so hard right now, but I can't do a thing about anything.
My life is so unfair. I hate my life so much at times like this.

I keep on wishing that I don't go to the public school, but I don't have a choice.
Why can't my parents afford to send me to a good school, but my brother could? It's not like we're short on money now, we have the same amount as we always have.

Today was just horrible and I feel like I have absolutely nobody to lean on in my life. Yeah I have what I call "friends." But I have no real friends that I could talk to about this and they can't change my parents' minds anyway.
What is a friend? If it's someone you joke with and hang out with on occasion, then that's what I have. I feel like nobody respects what I think or cares about me the way that other people have friends and family by their sides.

I hate my life so much. I'm trying to stop crying, but I can't help how I feel. When my mom sees me crying she just tells me to shut up and I have no one to talk to. I could talk to my brother, but he's part of my family and it's not like he's a best friend who can cheer you up and stay and stay on your side. I don't know why everything always ends up wrong in my life. Is it karma? I haven't done anything all that bad to deserve the things happening in my life, so why is it all happening.

I can keep bawling all I want, but I always end up stopping because it's not like anyone gives a shit about my feeling these days anyway. I feel so horrible.

I'd do anything to go to the school I want and have real friends to lean on.
Why doesn't anybody care, about me?

-That Girl, bawling and twirling into depression I'm sure.