Mood: Defeated and Uncaring.
Song(s) to describe my life right now: Pbbt. I don't care. none?
Quote(s) of the day: " Life isn't fair. Deal with it. " by every mean person in this cruel world.
NOTE: this particular post is going to be much more depressing then all others before. it's one of those rare ones where I'll describe how everything in my life sucks right now.
Dear Diary, (( 8:35 PM. sitting at home on a Friday night when all the rest of my supposed "friends" are most likely enjoying themselves and not sitting in a big puddle of self pity and unfairness, like someone else I know. ))
It did not work.
I did not call my dad.
I cried all night long and refuse to talk to my mom.
The school closed off the day for applications.
I do not feel good right now.
Alright, so I asked my mom and she decided not to pay for my private school and now I have to go to a crappy public school. Sure, it's one of the best public schools in this damn city, but who really cares at all. YAY. I won't get shot on my way there or be stabbed when I get inside. NOW I feel better.
Evidently, I have found out that even though I Thought my family was on the wealthier side, I was wrong. Several family members are in debt and my mom wouldn't accept money from my family members anyway for my school. I found out that my dad is very bad with money, though he makes quite a hefty pay with him working at the candy company and being a bartender. It doesn't matter though. He didn't want to pay for me, therefore my next four years of high school, I think, will suck. MS is still VERY angry at me, although she isn't ignoring me anymore. Now I get insults instead from her.
AND NOW I HAVE TO GO TO FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL WITH MS FOR THE NEXT FOUR YEARS AND I KNOW THAT SHE'LL BE GIVING ME HELL THE WHOLE TIME FOR NO GOOD REASON BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO WHY DOES SHE SUDDENLY HATE ME NOW??
NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!!!!!!!!!
The only time I'm actually near her is when PG is also with the two of us, making that closeness of us all. Otherwise, MS literally diverts from me, practically running from me to someone else when she sees me any 50 feet of her. Her scowls are really getting to me and today I accidentally hit her with an orange in her stomach. Karma is a you-know-what, but it was an accident anyway.
She must really hate me now. I think that PG may start having to pick between the two of us and I don't know who she would pick.
I was bawling my eyes out for about 4 hours yesterday once I got home.
But it didn't help really.
My mom. You know what she told me?
She said, "Stop being such a crybaby unless you want me to talk to your principal and tell him to flunk you!" followed by "Stop crying! ( me-not stopping ) What are you deaf , retarded, or what?! I have a headache!" Then more, " DAMN! stop crying you crybaby!!! SHUT up and stop now! "
That's right. My own mother told me that.
I'm so used to her saying those things though, I've learned to ignore it.
I hope I don't end up like George Lopez on the George Lopez show.
That's about my life in a nutshell at the moment.
The way I see it, if I become a cheerleader at the high school, I may end up with happiness. I have a chance of happiness and until then, I'll try to ignore all the crap going on right now.
Who lost the battle?