Monday, October 12, 2009

Ughs and Ergs with the occasional Arg.

Dear Diary ((7:08 PM Monday night. No school today, thank you Christopher Columbus! Actually... Christopher Columbus-believe it!-was not a very good dude. After all, he killed Indians who were here already and was so greedy that he just "had" to claim the land and brand it "America." Whoopeedoo, right? But the way I see it, at least I get the day off. I'll think of the day off as a day of honoring the people who actually claimed the land back then, as in not Christopher Columbus!))

Today I was feeling really bad.
Like, on the bus on the way home from downtown with my new friends? I felt like sobbing, but I'm not really sure why. Sometimes...Sometimes I just feel like I can't do anything right. I say all the wrong things and do everything at the wrong time.

This morning, the first thing I said to myself (yes I do talk to myself at times as a matter of fact) was "Shit I have such bad cramps." Then I said "I have horrible cramps, and I feel sick, and I feel ugly today." Then I got off my bed and took a shower and had horrible cramps and felt bloaty as I put on my jeans.

I went downtown with my new high school friends today and-gasp-I didn't exactly have a blast. Turns out that the "cool" kids in high school are mostly just remotely gossipy and kind of boring. All they do is talk and smack talk and talk about gossip and gossip about people and gossip about gossip. Unhappily (I would say "sadly" but that would be wouldn't be the right word.) LightBright didn't go because he went with some girl to hang out with. I'm not jealous and I definitely don't like him, but I ... I don't know, I just like time with him because he's just one of those people where I can be myself with without any...without anything holding me back, you know?

I would say more about today but I'm feeling awfully crampy again.
And mood too, though my manicure stopped me from falling apart into pieces today. The problem was that after the manicure, on the way home, I stopped to get a thing of junk food to eat in bed while I moped around and I thought that chips would be better because it was cold today, but when I got home I had a sudden craving for the ice cream sandwich that I didn't buy, but was about to. Doesn't that just suck ass? I hate that expression. It puts a bad picture into my mind-ew.

See ya later alligator!

And in a while crocodile -That Girl, craving and crampy :(

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