Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Did you say: Scooby Snack?

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Dear Diary, ((5/11/10, and yessir, I shouldn't be on the computer now.
I should be taking a shower if I don't want people to be screamin'
"Holy shit; Frizzilla is attacking us!"
in the halls at school tomorrow.))

High school is not at all how it appears in movies.

o The "cool" girls don't cause people the hallways to split for them like the Red Sea, or split like the red soup Bruce Almighty parts at the diner in the movie (surprisingly enough?) called Bruce Almighty. Many of the cool girls aren't even pretty.

o The freshman/sophomore/junior boys don't look like the foxy fox Aaron in Mean Girls, the "cool" dude in 16 Candles, or the bad-ass in Heathers. They all are wimpy looking, shoulderless guys trying to impress the aforementioned "cool" girls. These guys have a slight reminicence of the nerdy carrot-top in 16 candles, if you ask me.

o The cheerleading squad is often filled with geeky girls overflowing their Hello Kitty backpacks, miniature sized mom jeans, and huge wire-rimmed glasses with school spirit. Not the preppy, drop-dead gorgeous blondies you might assume are on the squad.

o The "cool" girls are really trash-talking backstabbers constantly doubting their so-called "friends'" true intentions. They seem fun and interesting, but so do toy store windows.
And wouldn't you eventually get bored of a window of seemily glittering toys with no substance behind them?
The nerds girls, they can evolve. Their bodies develop, personalities shine, and can be bubbling with true optomism and pride inside their hearts. The cool girls, they never change for the better. Only the worse.

o No. That nerd or geek will not get her unibrow plucked, hair styled, and fashion-sensed. She will not be given a makeover. In the unlikely hood that she does somehow, she'll never be Laney Boogs, girl.
And yet, when I look around me on the bus, at school, or around the esplange at lunch, I see girls who are much prettier than me. And naturally.
Because, yes. I wear makeup so that I look decent throughout the day. I believe that these girls are decent WITHOUT makeup, and if someone like me could show them the ropes of makeup, hair, and style...they would be drop-dead gorgeous. Not just the "decent" that I am.
Anyone can be amazingly beatuiful if they put the effort behind it.

o Being grouped with the "popular girls" by acting exactly how I know the "cool" girls act. I'm a better actress than I let on.
"Hey, That Girl! I looove your nail polish color!"
"Thanks ____ (what's your face?) I like your hair! Do you curl it yourself?"
I'm way too good. Like...gag me with a spoon I'm too good at frontin'.
But they never know. Shows you a thing or two about people...

o Everyone is flirting with everyone. Truth.

o Most relationships last 2 weeks or less. Truth.

o Two friends who like eachother get together and form the perfect relationship. Lie.
(Thaaank you ladies and gentlemen for playing...
-game show host voice- Two Truths and a Liiiiiiie!)

o People lie everywhere. I myself am guilty of:
-saying that I've had a boyfriend...or 2...or 3 of em, when I've never been on a date
-rejeting a guy because I didn't like his physical appearance
-using awful tactics on other people the bullies/popular girls in middle school did to me; and yes. It does make me feel more powerful to know I can do it.
And yes, it makes me feel awful and guilty too.
These are the confessions of an Ex-Cheerleader.

Yeah, I just thought that that would be a cool start to my blog post today.
-Nerd voice- He he he he he! Ain't I COOL, purdy woman?
Just yanking your chain.
By the way, I have made it a personal goal to use the phrase "yanking your chain" in every blog post from now on, as well as either a pun or a cheesy joke. Watch out for 'em, it'll be sort of like finding the words in the crossroad puzzle in the back of your newspaper, except you can actually understand these words!
He he he he he. I am -puberty boy's voice cracking voice- not lame at A-a-All!

And back to the real post...


People really have no clue what they want.
In my opinion, everybody seems to need a metaphorical Scooby snack to make any decisions, to be brave, to make a choice. Everyone seems to have a little Scooby in them, or maybe just some Shaggy. But why can't everyone find their inner Velma and smart up to be brave like Freddy? If all the guys and girls, who are secretly in requited love, did a Daphne number on their lovies, everything would be so much simpler.

In movies you always see the person scream to their best friend of 7 years with slightly less or more attractive features, "I don't KNOW what I want!" but then they end up with the trademark Easy Button from their local Staples. If you catch my drift.
It seems like in movies, the choice become easier when it comes to picking their love because somehow one of the choices screws up and the other one is chosen. Like, the guy finds out the girl was sleeping with his best friend. Or the girl has a flashback of riding down slides at the park with her best friend while the current guy won't step near a sandbox. Or...just something.
But in real life
--in nerdy guy language, "RL u newbz!"--
it's easy to screw up. And chances are, you will.

I actually think that guys and girls have been getting more cowardly throughout the years. Before, if you wanted to ask someone out, you called them and had a voice-to-voice chat or had to go up to them at school risking rejection, but knowing that it would be worth it in the long run.
These days: you can IM someone and confuse the hell out of them, text them and confuse the hell out of them, or just lead them on with birthday presents and Christmas gifts, which friends are likely to do...and confuse the hell out of them.
Any way you put it, it sucks.

Although, I actually don't like it when girls complain that guys don't have the balls to ask out girls, since my feminist within is telling me that any girl could ask out a guy at any time.
It's not that GUYS have the Achilles' heel when it comes to love, but that people in general are chickening out when it comes to love. Guys and girls.
I envy the bravery people in relationships have. I mean, to be in a relationship, someone must have been brave enough to admit how they felt.
And somehow, that sub-species of Guys seem to be extinct in my vivid environment; known as High School.

BUT. At the same time, people have not only become cowards, but also metaphorical pigs, jackals, and cheetahs as well.
Why are they pigs? Well, pigs are often times associated with character traits such as being greedy and not very philanthropist-ish, if you know what I mean.
And just so you know, I had to try typing "philanthropist" into Google like 10 different times to find the correct spelling. A couple times I spelled it wrong and Google said , "Did you mean, phlat rapist?" and I got like 2 results from my search which were both rape stories.
Don't try spelling "philanthropist" at home, boys and girls.
People are jackals because...well Charles Dickens can explain this much better in A Tale of Two Cities. Poor Mr. Carton being the jackal to Mr. Stryver's lion.
And of course. Everyone has a little cheetah in them.
One of my favorite cheesy jokes to tell people?
What animals should you not play cards with?
A cheetah and a lion.
Hah! Bet you haven't heard a cheetah AND a lion to be the answer before.
A cheetah, well that's obvious. And a lion? He's lyin'. Get it?
So very PUNNY.

Anyway. I also wanted to talk about FLIRTING today.
I will first admit, I am a big flirt.
And sometimes, just sometimes, I lead guys on.
But not for the sport of flirting or whatever. It's just because my natural instinct tells me to do that. And it works! It develops a closeness with the guy, and once you have become close enough the flirting goes away and you've become friends.
Works every time. Seriously. Hook, line, and sinker, baby.
Or, a guy would say something like, "Unhook [that bra], line 'em up against the wall, and sink her into the bed!" Actually, my favorite would have to be, "Uncork and pork" from John Tucker Must Die. That was classic douche-bag.
But, I actually hate it when guys lead on girls, and not because they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but because they feel all cool and James Bond-esque when they end up being more like that pompous, trash-talking, no-brain ass who probably goes to your school. He sure goes to mine.
And flirting is a funny thing. Whenever a "playah-playah" gets a girlfriend, he still talks to other girls in flirty way when she's not around. He talks about her bra size to his friends (one of my "cool" friends is playahplayah which is how I can get the inside scoop on shallow, "popular" guys all the time. There is a good reason to have popular guy friends in the long run, I guess. How else can I give you the one-way ticket to Shallow Central on a daily basis?) and he talks about how hot other girls are all the time.
Guess who's become an expert at rolling her eyes into oblivion and shaking her head in shame of her so-called cool friends?
No, not Barbra Walters.
That Girl.

On the topic of That Girl, did I ever mention my love for Garfield and Peanuts comics?
Because I love 'em. I do, I do, I do! And...Yes, I'm suddenly changing the subject because flirting is not exactly my favorite topic to discuss.

So, here's some of my favorite comic strips relating love and relationships, to end this post on a bright note:

"Time will replace reality
Now we are peaking through the hours
Time will replace reality
So I grasp for sanity
I refuse to be devoured
So I grasp for sanity
Are these the lies that were taught to believe?
Are these the lives we have opted to lead?"
-Gym Class Heroes; Live a Little

-That Girl; On my bucket list of things to do before I become a full-fledged adult, I need to dress up like a pair of cool guys with a friend and go to Hooters late at night.

What do you want to do before you die?

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