Saturday, May 8, 2010

For the Narc in all of us.

Evidently, this is a Google Image result of a supposed "Cookie Monster."
I have no idea who this person in the above picture is, but I think that it's kind of interesting as an image and this girl must be pretty brave to put such a weird picture of herself out in the wide, wide web.
I applaud her for it. Standing ovation? Yes, I believe she deserves it.
Put your hands in the air, like you just don't care. Woot.
Who needs a cookie jar when you can fit a month's worth of cookies in your mouth; all at once?
Heck, store your winter apparel in there as well. It's summer.
You don't need your puffy beige Uggs and you have the space anyway. Why waste perfectly good storage space?
You could also rent it out.
Help out the ASPCA
by giving a canine shelter in your overwhelmingly large mouth!

Dear Diary,

Happy-go-lucky playboys and girl constantly have the following Facebook update:
"____ is in a relationship with ____."

And natch there are the following asides from numerous people in response:
"Holy shit, again? Seriously dude, what the freakin' hell. Effin A's!"


Why is it that some people can't help being in love with love over and over...and over again,
while other people can't seem to find love just once in their life?
I mean, some sad suckers unhappily marry 4 or 5 times trying to find the so called "one," and other sad suckers go on way too many failing dates in their search for this brilliantly amazing thing called "love." Am I right, or am I right?
Or am I left?
Nope, I'm right.
Right-HANDED that is. Betcha weren't expecting that one.

Anyway. I've just been thinking about the "AGAIN?! Holy shit." kind of relationships lately and though I could never quite figure them out, but after a decently long "Woe-Is-Me!" type of conversation over AIM with LightBrightBarney (with LBB doing all the woeing mind you) I can kind of understand the whole concept of a relationship just to be in a relationship.
In my mind, you should have some standards when it comes to dating, but I'm pretty sure LBB is one of those people you flirt every chance they get and accept whatever they get. Except, he doesn't get much of anything. Just flirts a lot.
And he knows I call him out on it, so thankful we don't have one of those awkward relationships where he flirts with me 24/7 while I go, "Dude. No." the whole time. Which I do do when he tries to slip in any kind of flirting gesture, action, or phrase. At one point he wouldn't stop calling me "babe" and I constantly felt like saying, "Boy, are you trying to call me a pig? No? Then don't call me "Babe" anymore. Rent [the movie called] Babe and we can talk again."
Instead I just "LOL!"-ed him when he tried to do it over IM's Trying to seem suave and smooth is not his thing. Really.
He was just going through what I like to call a I'm-Not-Getting-Any-Still Crisis, high school style. Like a middle-life crisis for those sexually frustrated, or those seemingly incapable of getting a long-term girlfriend in high school.
That's right, he ain't gettin' any in both the reference of sex and anything in general.
He just gets rejected by a lot.
And evidently, has his boxes of chocolate ready at-hand each time?
The people who can't seem to find love, people like moi, must have some kind of problem or blockage in their lives. At least that's what Patty from The Millionaire Matchmaker show would say.
Or maybe, just maybe, they just can't find the "one."
I personally feel like it's hard to find the "one" (if there IS such a thing) if there are millions of people out there. What are the chances you'll find the needle in the haystack, the diamond in the rough, or the Pretty Woman in the prostitute?
Btw, I just misspelled "prostitute" and my spell-checker put the word "prostate" in it's place. I think that's pretty funny.
Yeah. It wasn't that funny. But I still think it's HI-larious.

So yeah. It's REALLY getting late right now and I have to get to sleep since I told my friend I would hang out with her tomorrow.
SHIT dude, it's 1AM? Guhbye Good Night's Sleep!

I hate having a "life."
And by that, I don't mean that I hate literally being alive, but I mean that I hate that I have to hang out with people and crap all the time. If I was a weirdo/geek/nerd/deviant/narc I wouldn't have to hang out with anyone. In my spare time I could just CHILL and do nothing but watch a little of the tube and surf the net. Just sleep in and relax! A little R & R time, you know?

I'll finish up this post after having pretend fun with one of the cool girls as we hang downtown tomorrow.
Bet you 5 bucks she'll pick up a pair of sandals and say, "Oh my gosh, how cute!"

Shit, my life sucks lollipops. Hard.
And yes, that is what she said.
With your MOM. Ooohhh.

The above 3 lines are my impersonation of 99.69% of the high school population.
And yet, the first 4 words are kinda true.
And yes, I made the percentage 99.69 percent to exaggerate the perversion of high school kids. For the record.

Man, I wish I were a narc. They probably don't have time to have a life besides stalking pretend-friends.
Oh wait, everyone is already everyone elses' pretend friend in high school.
And Facebook is the key to cyber-stalking.
You know what? Practically everyone in a high school has a little bit of narc in them. Either the fakeness ("Frontin' bruh!" is yet another example of stupid high school language.), the backstabbing, or the "snitching".
And yet, so many are anti-narc: a person who does drugs oftenly and tries to find others to do it with them. The opposite of narcs.
I would call them crans.

Get it? PUNNY, yes?

-That Girl, this post is brought to you by the letter D for "Demoralize!"

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