Saturday, May 15, 2010

String Cheese flirts and wishes.

Dear Diary,

I guess when you're a sophomore guy (unlike that of That Girl's pitiful, joke-cracking self) you have so many clubs and sports to join to show off for colleges, you don't have time for lowly freshman girls.
Such as: me.
I haven't seen my "good friend" SSAS in about two months.
But I'm used to it.
It's okay though. I'm-surprisingly enough-doing pretty well off without him.

I kind of miss having a crush though.
It must sound crazy and disorderly and all sorts of weird, but everything just seems better when you like someone.
Colors are brighter outside. The once drab trees seem strangely alive and miraculous, while the foggy sky in the morning seems to have bright spots of blue peeking out behind clouds all of a sudden. Spots of blue you haven't noticed before.
Having a crush means that at 11:11 every night you get to make a wish;
holding your breath through every tunnel with your pinky out-having some mysterious Tunnel Gods grant your innermost desires-seems like the most important thing in the world;
whenever you yawn or blow a dandelion's seeds all out in one blow you just think that deep down in your heart: he'll love you after all.
First star in the sky, random eyelash blown off a finger, birthday candle dreams, shiny coin tossed into a settled area of flowing water, broken wishbones, chimney promises, pressed autumn leaves falling from trees, sunrise's talkative little birds, enclosed leprechauns, freed genies, first hummingbirds, feet off the ground over a bridge, or thrice clicked ruby red slippers.
Anyway you put it; there are opportunities for wish making all the time.
But what are the chances they'll come true?
Liking someone is what I like to call
It's just something to look forward too, really.
Because, seriously, what are the chances that you'd eat that crummy (PUNNY stuff!) cookie with yummy chocolate frosting on top if you suddenly realized that after you finished the cookie, the icing would disappear? Would you actually try to finish the cookie? Or would you take a bite out of politeness, and dump the rest in the closest garbage can nearest to you (which is probably a recycling bin, though you weren't paying attention)?

But the weird thing about me is that if I discover that my crush really likes someone else, or seems to focus their attention on another person besides me, I kind of give up. I get kind of mopey and moody and irritated for the day, and then say, "Screw it."
Maybe I give up too easily. They say that you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. But that's just basketball talk.
What decide to not take the shot, but someone else on the team gets a basket? Do you get any credit for it, since the whole team kind of made it; or did you miss it entirely? It's a very subjective saying, if you ask me.
Or what decide to shoot the ball, but then it bounces off the backboard onto a nearby trampoline and the other team catches it in midair with a slam dunk ending? Not only did you miss the shot, but it's like missing it 102% because you missed it AND were the main contributer to the other team scoring.
Every choice can end negatively, and I usually quit the team before I get onto the court and have to try making the basket. All a metaphor for the "game of love" if you catch my drift. And yeah, that was incredibly cheesy saying "game of love." But I like cheesy. Especially if it's string cheese.
Yes, I'm a quitter, but I get over it. Will I get over coincidentally passing the ball to my teammate's face causing them to lose their 2 front teeth and a molar?
Like the Tootsie Pop, the world may never know. At least; I won't know.

So, I haven't talked much lately about my personal day-to-day life.
I have a couple updates for you; mostly in the Love Department. Just cross the Comfort Area with the nice square beds with cushioned foot stools, until you get into the Indifference Counter where the concierge will greet you with a nice "Howdy" leading you into the Yearning/Desperation section of cute tops. Make a left and 9 rights. Then turn left. You should see the Love Department there.
Yes, it is a very complicated path to finding love.
Note that I've never been able to get quite to core of the Love Department. I'm stuck on the 2nd right after the left. If this confused you to a certain extent, I'm talking about Non-Literal Metaphorical City here, people.

Anyway. So, the first thing is what happened in my Teen Leadership Program about 2 weeks ago. I've been having this thought float around throughout my brain looking for an escape exit, so I'm glad I found one.

There's this guy there. I know I've mentioned him before, though his code name I can't remember. He's super nice and pretty funny. I love how he says, "Naw shit" instead of "Just kidding" or "Just playin'" if he's messing around. It's very endearing. So. I used to think that he would be a really cool guy to have a crush on, except that I could never quite get myself to like him in that way. I wish I could because I know that he's a great guy.
Anyway. What happened was that I came sauntering slightly tardy into the preschool-slash-senior-center place where the Teen people were meeting. I saw my friend who will be know only as JayM, sitting by herself at a table. Naturally, I got instruction from the teacher-slash-boss lady to make a picture and draw it on a cloth to make some kind quilt thing with. No one was especially hyped up to do this and I could see why. Frankly speaking-Bob, you can speak later-
(It was a PUN, did you catch it?)
we all sucked at drawing. The only reason mine turned out okay was because I practically traced a picture of a butterfly off the internet onto my small white cloth laying flat on the table.
The guy I've been talking about, who I'll call DEB for "definitely endearing boy," came into the room after he left a little while with his friend to get some fresh air or something.
He says, "Hi, That Girl" and pulls out the chair next to mine. My purse is there and he says, "Oh, sorry" but I feel bad for hogging the room for my purse when I really like being around him, so I move my purse onto the floor and he thanks me.
We had a pretty fun time talking about our drawings and complaining when our markers leaked out ink or whatever. His picture was the building we were in with a yellow school bus outside. It was pretty cute and he kept asking me kiddingly, but slightly serious, for advice such as "Should I trace the wheels of the bus black or not? Should I color in the whole bus or will it leak?" which was funny, of course.
I was pretty happy that out of the seats he could have taken, he chose the one next to mine.
Cuz yeah, I don't have a crush on him. But yeah, I like his company (No really, I don't like him THAT way. I really just like hanging out with him. He's pretty good looking too!) and I'll admit that sometimes I feel a tiny, tinge bit jealous when he turns his attention to other girls. Nothing batshit crazy though, or even slightly problematic.
The fact it: I simply like his company.

So that's that. I wanted to say ONE more thing that's been bothering me-slash-boosting my self esteem for a while.
First off: freshman boys are really bad at disguising their flirting. It's so obvious when they're trying to get a girl's attention and yet, it's cute and (because I like this word a lot) endearing.
This is what happened.

At lunch I was with the cool girls and we were walking back up to school.
The class president is walking next to me lookin' all "spiffy" and stuff, and his cute friend is next to him. The 2 main popular girls are hastily walking ahead so to not be late for class, and the more shy and reserved girl who is also popular is on the other side of me.
Mr. Class Prez starts to start a conversation with me. Here's how it went down...
Looking at my lunch his says, "Is the sauce with the chicken good?" He smiles shyly.
I look at my food and reply just as shyly, "I don't know, I never had it before," and I smile back at him.
He says, "Oh. So, do you like the sauce?" I think he wasn't paying attention to what he was saying.
I give him a quizzical, yet amused glance as I repeat, "I never had the sauce before."
"Oh, right," replies our Class President seemingly slightly embarrassed by his mistake in choice of words.
And Prez's cute friend is trying to seem funny so he says, "Yeah, she never had it before!" taking my side of things.
Rule #1: When a guy is trying to get your attention, he brings himself into the conversation using his friend as a crutch to talk to the girl.
I thought that was pretty cute, and kept his interest by telling my shy friend happily, "Come on let's go catch up with them 2 up front!"
Trust me. One thing I know how to do is flirt.


I also wanted to talk about something bad that happened the other day.
According to my "cool" friends I eat lunch with, I eat lunch with EXBFF too much and they're starting to feel as if I use them as a backup plan when really it's not that at all. I just suck at balancing friends.
So, to make up for it I had lunch with them that Wednesday and on Thursday as well. That Wednesday I had not hung out with the popular girls since the previous Tuesday so I had a feeling they'd be pissed.
I went up to the 2 coolest girls (I usually eat with them 2 and the shy girl) and smiled at them.
"What are YOU doing here?" Clone #1 asked me.
I just smiled, discreetly sneaking in puppy dog eyes at them.
"We're like her back up plan. Makes us feel so...useless," Clone #2 says, making me feel like if there was a piece of shit next to me on the side of the road; they would hitch-hike the shit before they hitch-hiked me. I felt horrible!
I just said, "No." and "Sorry," quietly. Thankfully, the shy popular girl came up to us-just in the nick of time.

You really can't please everyone. After all, this isn't Burger King. You can't always have it your way.

-That Girl, will I ever be able to find the balance?

Song of the Day: "You're the best thing I never knew I needed. So now it's so clear...I need you dear..." -Never Knew I Needed by Ne-Yo

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