So, yesterday afternoon I basically stayed home and bawled my eyes out while my plump lap dog sat on my lap, staring at me with her big brown eyes.
My "friend with benefits" was more than that. He was my best friend. The "benefits" aside, he was the person I talked to on the phone everyday. We told each other everything and cared about replying to the other person and meeting up to actually see each other every once in a while.
I have no idea what he thought about me during the summer, but like I told him at one point,
"Summer things never work because summer ends and real life starts."
And unfortunately, I was correct. I'm really heartbroken, to be honest. Your best friend isn't supposed to make moves on you unless they're trying to make something official happen. Your best friend isn't supposed to kiss you and hold your hands when nobody is looking. Your best friend isn't supposed to kiss your neck and send sweet-talking text messages to you, isn't supposed to tell you that you've gotten prettier, ask you to stay up late with him, fall asleep on the phone for days at a time and then randomly stop calling you for a while so he can hook up with a pretty girl. And your best friend is not supposed to ask, "What's going to happen after the summer with us?" and have sex with you and ask you to hangout with him on his birthday and then ask out some attractive girl friend of his the next week. He is not supposed to be shirtless with her and tell you about it two days later. He is not supposed to say, "I'm really open with you," one week and defensively say "What, do I have to tell you everything?" two weeks later when you ask him why he didn't tell you that he now has a girlfriend.
Your best friend is not supposed to make you feel things for him and then drop you for this new girl that he's been pining for since they met, probably.
This is why people should never, ever, ever get in a friend with benefits relationship. This is why you should never become physically attached to a friend who would drop you for another girl and completely replace you.
Because he will try to casually talk to you like the whole summer never happened and be all like, "You should get a boyfriend."
That's fucking great, buddy. That's great. Thanks for the memories and the pain. I miss our friendship, not the "benefits" of the friendship, but the real friendship that we had. The one where I could tell you anything and trust that you'll understand and where you would tell me everything because I want to know. Because I care about you. And I want you to be happy. But it hurts, a lot. Everything hurts because I lost my best friend and I lost the guy I could kiss and hug and be cute with. Because we can never hangout with that couple that we know and say that we're a couple and a couple of friends.
Because I'm mad at you for doing this to me and I'm sad that you would. Because you explained nothing to me and totally just fucking sneak-attacked me with the news of you hooking up with this girl and asking her out. Because I wish you were honest with me like you used to be. That's what hurts the most:
because she's your best friend now. And you could care less.
-That Girl, in pieces, missing my best friend, and being generally upset.