WTFFFFFFFFF I'm at the point where I've been hurt so many times this year that I'm mad at myself for letting myself get so involved with these guys in the first place. I'm hurt so much from everything and all these guys I'm not even mad anymore, I don't want to cry or wallow or party. I don't even want to meet any more guys and end up getting hurt again. Alone is better. Like Tom said, lonliness is underrated. All I want to do is find a guy, and play him. Play him and break his heart like mine. I want to hookup with ____ fucking _____'s friends and make him see what he missed out on. Twice. I forgive for the first time, but now? Forgive once and you're nice, forgive twice and you look fucking dumb. It's the last straw. I'm so hurt, so mad. Never again.
I don't know. Do I regret it? I miss the company. I miss him more than I am possibly willing to admit. I didn't want it going any farther or anything like that, I just wanted to become friends. I wanted to grow older as friends, talk about our problems on a daily basis til we become best friends and became comfortable with eachother to joke about anything and hug knowing that this friendship is something meaningful. I wanted to give eachother advice about school and other girls and guys in our lives that gave us drama, laugh about our past mistakes and go eat lunch together once in a while to catch up on old times. I just wanted to keep this friendship and have it grow. I want us to be on speaking terms. A comfortable friendship. To say we're friends. To be okay.
I want to be okay again. That is all.