Mood(s) of the Day: Unconcerned, for once!
Song(s) of the Day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwsLxV8lLLA yes, oh yes.
Quote(s) of the Day:
"People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated."
-Tom from 500 Days of Summer (aka the best movie ever made in the whole freakin' giganto universe.)
[BRAND SPANKIN' NEW!] Video of the Day:
"Girls like Assholes"
Dear Diary, (5/3/11, it's sometime at night, too lazy to check the time. That's right. You mad? STAY MAD.)
It's been over half a year since I've posted anything here.
DAMN, half a year?!
Don't think I've died, had a serious illness, or forgot aboutchu at all though.
I've been writing a REALLY long blog post, about my first relationship. A memoir if you will. But it's really hard to finish, more memories, random thoughts, and sad moments come up while writing and I'm slowly starting to forget all the little memories and inside jokes from the relationship. It started the middle of last summer, ended the beginning of the school year and took me a long time to get over. There's SO much to share with you, and I'm still editing that post as is. I know half a year to edit a post seems excessive beyond all reason, but I swear it'll be a good read. Well, ya'know, if you have like an hour or so to kill reading about That Girl's rant on a guy.
Anyway. I'll post that up soon as possible, and until then I'll just tell you where I am now in life. The love life part of my life, natch.
Me and ExBoyfriend broke up (details in the memoir to be posted) leaving me heartbroken and him sad for a while.
I had a small fling with a friend leaving me with a hickey (details in the memoir to be posted, but my advice for you for now? don't ever go on the rebound with another guy, terrible idea). We don't really talk anymore, he's annoying.
Me and this other guy in my chem class had a thing for eachother, leaving me with spending my birthday with this guy with an incredible amount of balloons and me to make the conversation (details in the memoir to be posted maybe). We don't talk anymore, I thought it was too much work and stress trying to get to know him with him being shy and all.
I went to the best, most most romantic dance of my life with the guy of my dreams. He talked a lot more than the last guy, which was incredibly refreshing. We kind of "dated" for a while, nothing serious though. We don't talk anymore ]: (details in the memoir to be posted, I still have to finish up the story about ExBoyfriend, then I'll tell you more about this guy)
AND NOW. Basically, ExBoyfriend started randomly talking to me again, right? We were actually friends for a good two weeks but on Friday me and my bestfriend (his mutual friend) got into this huge fight with him which resulted in me, Bestfriend, and my other friend eating dinner together with all three of us angrily texted him using my phone. I was pissed and so was ExBoyfriend and Bestfriend. My other friend called it "Another World War III" and I started cracking up because Bestfriend was deliberately saying stupid stuff to him to piss him off like "Bite me and kick me" and "learn to take a joke and grow up" and "you got uglier since we last saw you, never talk to me again". It was the stupidest fight ever and truthfully, I kind of wish Bestfriend didn't start getting into it with him and I could've just said sorry to him the next morning so I could keep my friendship with him. He said something mean to me and I'd just take it. I would look like the girl in the Jersey Shore that keeps going back to the guy that cheats on her, dumb and kind of "pussywhipped" but the opposite since I'm not a guy. Like "dickwhipped". Oh wait... WAIT NO NEVERMIND. Forget I said anything.
He annoyed the hell out of me, and vice versa, but I really did value the friendship we were gaining. I don't think Bestfriend understood this. Becoming friends with the guy who broke your heart a few months before is a really big thing, to me at least.
Pretty much he was always pissed off everyday and he'd tell me why he was so mad everyday.
"Got bitched at" he said once.
"Got bitched at" he said once.
"Bout to deck someone" he said another time.
"Me and my friend jumped into a fight" was another fabulous thing he told me.
I always comforted him and said it was okay and I tried to say something stupid to cheer him up or get his mind off of what was bothering him. We even talked about getting to know eachother better since we didn't know eachother well before. But then?
So he told me his middle name one day. And so the next day I cheekily called him "mister (middle name) (last name)" and he was all like "keep calling me that and I ain't gonna talk to you no more". Well, except that he has terrible grammar, so subtract all the vowels from that quote, cuz that's how he texts. I swear that every other day he would threaten to "not to talk to you no more" or whatever, as if I ASKED him to text me or that I had to bend of backwards doing whatever he said and agreeing. I showed my friends this text at dinner, and that's how World War III started.
I mean, I was just thinking like
BITCH, did I ever ask you to text me?! Who said I WANTED YOU TO text me anymore? Huh? What makes you think I even want to?! WTF, threaten to "stop talking to" me?! Bitch, I don't give a shit if you stop talking to me, I'm used to it.
I'm that easy to drop out of your life again, huh? Okay, well just do it then. Don't talk to me if you don't want to. Just stop saying it.
I suppose what really bothered me was that he made it seem that he didn't care if he talked to me or not, as if it was some favor to me or something. What kind of friendship is this?
And also, he never said anything about "let's be friends" or anything. Actually, he texted me A LOT the first few days, but once I mentioned the word "friendship" he started texting back shorter, meaner responses.
What did he expect? That I was waiting for him all this time? I couldn't.
Anyways. Yeah, that's where I am now. I wrote a little note in my phone Saturday night and I thought I'd share it. My next post will be REALLY long, and I really hope any hearbroken girl out there will read and be comforted a little.
Basically! I've been busy updating that post, enjoying my relationship, and then recovering from my heartbreak the past few months. That's where That Girl's been. But I'm back, Diary!
!ybaB atsiV aL atdsH (See what I did there?)
WTFFFFFFFFF I'm at the point where I've been hurt so many times this year that I'm mad at myself for letting myself get so involved with these guys in the first place. I'm hurt so much from everything and all these guys I'm not even mad anymore, I don't want to cry or wallow or party. I don't even want to meet any more guys and end up getting hurt again. Alone is better. Like Tom said, lonliness is underrated. All I want to do is find a guy, and play him. Play him and break his heart like mine. I want to hookup with ____ fucking _____'s friends and make him see what he missed out on. Twice. I forgive for the first time, but now? Forgive once and you're nice, forgive twice and you look fucking dumb. It's the last straw. I'm so hurt, so mad. Never again.
I don't know. Do I regret it? I miss the company. I miss him more than I am possibly willing to admit. I didn't want it going any farther or anything like that, I just wanted to become friends. I wanted to grow older as friends, talk about our problems on a daily basis til we become best friends and became comfortable with eachother to joke about anything and hug knowing that this friendship is something meaningful. I wanted to give eachother advice about school and other girls and guys in our lives that gave us drama, laugh about our past mistakes and go eat lunch together once in a while to catch up on old times. I just wanted to keep this friendship and have it grow. I want us to be on speaking terms. A comfortable friendship. To say we're friends. To be okay.
I want to be okay again. That is all.
-That Girl, heartbroken more and more everyday.