Saturday, February 28, 2009

Guys and Birthday and Party Crisis-es. Very important, major, and serious topics. Only not really.

Dear Diary, (( its 9:35 PM Saturday night. I'ma keepin' track now ))

Stuff is still as confusing as ever.
And although I thought that I solved everything with Balance problem, it kind of turned out weird overall.

So, let's start with the Balance problem as stated in the previous diary-entry-blog-whatchamacallit.

I started to hang out a lot more with my PrincessGiggles and MadameStucky clique and it's pretty fun being there since all three of us are outgoing, funny people and other people like to be with us. We're friendly. Not at all un-friendly, therefore being friendly, and people like and are attracted to friendly as I've come to learn.
OF ( I've decided that OF works and that her nickname means Old friend or Outgoing friend or Outspoken friend ) usually hangs out with us too, and she's fun. And funny, can't forget that! Also, NowBrunette usually hangs with us and that new girl who just came to the school from like an all-girls boarding school in England or something like that. As far as I know, she won't be talked about much here, so she doesn't need a nickname. NB used to have all black hair, but she got golden-brownish-blondish highlights that look really pretty. I figure that black hair and blonde highlights equals NB.
The group of us play volleyball during lunch recess a lot of the time. Even though I'm the only one in the group who tried out for the volleyball team and basically failed. But it's not like I really cared anyway! Seriously, I gave in my Physical Form like 5 min. before tryouts because everyone else was trying out so I was all like, " What the Heel, I'll try out too. " Some girls like CandyGram tried out too, but she too ultimately failed, oh also CrackerJacker too. They both cried. The saps.
Wait, don't get me wrong, I"m not some emotionless freak! It's just that I didn't care so much about it. Our volleyball team sucks anyway, and it's full of 6th graders now, making it suck more. Like Myspace, those 6th graders ruined it, at least they haven't infested Facebook yet. Ha.
So, like I was saying about Balance, I basically stopped hanging out with Sunshine's group ( note that Sunshine is basically the leader of that group whereas in my MS and PG's group, we're all equal ) therefore stopped getting invited to small social gatherings such as the movies and mall trips. It also got tons more awkward stuffed into it. Ever notice how even the Word "awkward" is just an awkward mess? The "W's?" That's so not normal. But who says that normal people are never awkward anyway? But that's besides the point. Going to the movies might seem like a small deal, even them going ice skating and doing Secret Santas plus giving eachother candy grams ( yes thats right, I haven't contributed enough to the group for too long of a time and now I'm barely in it at all. ) but it all hurts knowing that I"m basically getting kicked out without the words being said.
It sucks. Everything about being a teen girl sucks!
*Deep Breath*
Let's chat about my horrible birthday girl trauma going on instead :)

I'll start off with the invitations. It's always soo hard to give them out. It's the worst to give invitations out to some people in a group, but not the whole group. Which, of course, I had to do. Only so many people can fit in my mom's mini-van, okay?!
GHahh, why don't people get it?
Invite me to your party, you get invited to my party. You do not invite me, I do not invite you.
I don't like you, no invitation for you! Everyone starts acting incredibly nice to you during invitation giving out time, and then stops being your friend after. Especially if the party sucks donkey's back side if you know what I mean. But I'm known to have pretty fun parties: mall scavenger hunts; sleepovers; inside carnivals, the works. Except last year kinda sucked, but there's no need to bring that up. *Eeeaaeeah* I don't want to think about it.

So what happened at lunch was horrible. I'll tell you.
I was sitting at the usual table and was about to give an invite to someone; once every stood up, I was gonna sneak it from behind and tell her to put it away.
Yeah. It didn't happen thata way.
I put it underneath my backpack and walked to the garbage can to throw away some, well, garbage and then it all happened.
NB picked up my backpack and was all like, " yep your backpack's goin' in the trash," naturally, I was not horrified because I knew she was just playing around.
But Then NB picked up my invite left on the chair and read it out to everyone, I made it myself on the comp, and it said, " Guess what?? You're invited to my 14th Birthday Party!!" but she read it out to the whole table, many of which I was not inviting, and said, " Guess what?? You're not ( said overly harsh and dramatic ) invited to my 14t-" and read off the whole thing. Of course, everyones reaction was, " What, where's my invite??" And it was a catastrophe. I'm glad that most people left the Caf. already otherwise the guys and other girls would've been crawling up to me begging too.
Wanna know the really ironic part?
The invite was going to be for NB.
And I gave it to her later. Which was really stupid, because why would I when she was the one to give me all the agony in the first place?
I think I'm a tool sometimes. Note the "think" part. What exactly is a "tool?"
Not sure, I'll give you a raincheck on that.
I ended up inviting Sunshine, who of which said that she couldn't go, not to my face, but I learned it through MS, which was really pathetic in a bunch of ways; PrincessGiggles, I think she's going, not sure though, MissStuckey who wanted to go really badly but got in a fight with her parents first, which is also I really stupid thing to do, fight with your parents then ask for a favor? Come on! But she can't and was crying; OF, just gave it to her; NB, who I just gave to, stupidly I will add; and I think I'll be inviting Apple too. She really wants to be invited and I'm giving her an invite on Monday.

My birthday and my birthday party is in exactly a week!!
till it all goes down.
Hopefully, not in flames.

For the record, we're going to a carnival-style outdoor place not to be named here, that's gonna be really fun. Hopefully. Unless it rains, then we're heading off to bowling or something like that, if it rains I mean. Last year is was burning hot and not a drop of rain was coming from the sky. The year before? Bucket and buckets of the cold wet droplets.
Let's hope for some burning hot weather again! Fingers crossed!
So, after the carnival place which my mom is driving too, we're stopping for breakfast on the way there by the way, I'm having a sleepover at my dad's place. one really knows about the sleepover part yet, at least my parents don't, but they'll agree to it once everyones setting up sleeping bags and in their PJ's already! I hope.
See, that's where it gets tricky. Not sure about that whole thing yet and I'm biting my lip over that. It'll all work out though, I know it will; it has to.

Anway, let's chat about guys, eh matey?
Guys with accents are always hot. But that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about haha.

I don't think I'm crushing on any guy anymore. It's weird. I like a guy one day, don't the next.
Does that make me a shallow person? I sure hope not.
Nice Jock acts different around me now. Just lately.
Like, almost as if he couldn't talk to me anymore. It's confusing.
Really really really really really confusing. He's so weird around me now.
But. But.
I heard that when a guy likes you, he goes through a phase when he ignores you for a while, almost gets scared of rejection, the next phase after that is trying to impress that girl, so I'll be on the watch for that.
But I really don't want to get my hopes up too high, I'd hate to be heartbroken and to somehow find out that he likes MS the way that she likes him. Well, maybe she's over him now. It's been since Halloween afterall.
I'm really on edge about it all.

That's all folks!
*the wink and the gun*
signing off,

10:53 PM
btw, I feel bad about typing here and not writing in my diary right now.

Friday, February 20, 2009

this title is fresh off a bottle of Vitamin Water: BALANCE.

Hey Diary Ol' Pal.

So...yeah, I just wrote an entry, but just a little while ago I picked up a bottle of Vitamin Water that said, "Balance" on it and I ( literally ) said to myself, " that's totally what I need in my life right now. " So, of course, I bought that drink.
[ this is completley, as in totally and utterly off topic, but have you ever been to camp? Of course you haven't, you're an online diary for goodness sake. Nevermind. Who am I talking to? I have GOT to stop talking to myself. Anyway, I went to a girl scout camp for the past two years, well okay, I skipped last year, but anyway, I don't see why people make such a big deal out of a girl scout camp. It's fun, and it's cheap too. When I was there, I somehow became the most popular and fun-funny girl in camp. But, of course, it only happened until halfway through the camp, Me, always the underdog. I really miss those girls. I wish I went to school with each and every one of them. It's the saddest thing in the world to know someone, become BFFs with them for a week or two and then turn around into the car, drive away, and never see their faces again. Never share the same jokes, joke around, share secrets, It's all gone. It makes me want to cry. A Lot. ]
So back to Balance. It's what I really need. And although the bottle said that it was good for balancing on a ball like a clown, I did somehow start balancing my school life a little better after drinking half of it. Who knows what will happen when I drink the other half. And yes, I did literally start balancing a little better, as in not tripping with every step I took, I usually don't trip that much, but truthfully, I get hurt all the time from being clumsy.
But what I needed help balancing with was my three or four different cliques of friends. Special friends need more attention then others, some need space from me, and other don't want to share me. Which is why everything is all topsyturvy for me right now. Well, less now that I drank liquid blance.
I have my Princess Giggles and Madame Stucky group of friends. It's just us three hanging out. PG usually laughs at MS and my jokes, MS provides us with the complaining and drama queen part of life, and I give us jokes and stories to last all of time. I"m like a class clown, but I'm not comfortable cracking big jokes in class, only in small groups where I totally act like me. When I'm in this clique, I am the most comfortable. Ms and PG are about as popular as me, more or less, take or add a few, you get the point.
I have my Sunshine, Stuffy, and OverlyEnergenic group. usually with Apple there too, group. Sunshine is so energenic, she almost makes me scared to be myself, but she's tons of fun. I can't really act like myself here and usually find myself laughing and agreeing with everyone else, but I don't act like Follow, I have more...dignity than that. I'm not afraid to be myself most of the time. And I'm not shy, I'm just quiet sometimes. OE is like Follow, but with way more annoying energy and I think that she seriously believes that she is one of the Pops. But as much as I hate to admit it, she really isn't. If Sunshine and Stuffy, and Apple aren't there, she goes and hangs out with the Geeks. I don't. This group is fairly popular too.
Then I have my ex-BFF group, or actually more like, she doesn't have a group and sometimes if I don't see the other two groups, I go hang with her at lunch recess. We just sit and talk, but I never laugh too loud or anythinhg with her. I don't want to draw attention. I'm a horrible person for this. Everyone, or more, everyone but my first group I mentioned and my ex-BFF, think that I'm just really nice and sweet. And funny at times.
All the groups require special care, but I've discovered how to balance them.At lunch, I hang out with the MS and PG group, as they need the most time for me to stay with them, I hang out with the Sunshine group at P.E. and at elective. I wave widely and talk to my ex-BFF after school. And it all works out. The hard time is choosing who to sit with and talk to during classes. I try to even out the time. The Sunshine group doesn't like it when I tag along with them, or "follow" as someone might say if I'm not careful. So I spend the middle amount of time with them so they get a taste of me and want more, but don't grow tired of me around them. My ex-BFF will always be there to chat and stuff after school, so she requires theleast amount of time.
And of course, when I'm in these cliques, we hang out with other people too. The first two groups I mentioned hang out with the Pops, or with eachother only. When I hang out with my ex-BFF, we just talk to eachother, or after school we include younger kids like 5th graders in our conversations. We usually act immature. The other day I suggested we be spies at the library, and we were. The Case of the Exploding Flower? Solved. Put a check there.
Well, thats all for now.
Tootles, Ta-ta, and time to watch ABDC since I missed it last week.
Oh, and another balance?
I dress girly-laidback tomboyish, which doesn't really work. Like a cute preppy out fit with a small stain on the sweater and a hole or two on my jeans and a coffee stain on my shoes, but it all looks okay. I look laid-back. I love makeup and shopping, but love video games and playing four-square too. It's confusing. But it all works out one way...or another. Which reminds me of that song, " one way or another...I'm gonna get ya, one way or another, I'm gonna find ya..."
You know that one? of course you don't , you're a diary! Gahh..
Okay thats it now. like really. :)

Old welcomings, guys, and rahrah more.

Dear Diary,

Okay, to tell you the truth, I had an online diary before this, so I'll just cathcyou up on all the old stuff before the new stuff.

Dear Diary ( and anyone else wanting the inside scoop of my life ),

Today was prety great. I mean: TGIF!The thing about Fridays is that it only comes once a week, so you better enjoy it while you can. On this oh-so special day of the week, teachers are relieved about the schol week ending, kids are dito plus they are excited about the weekend and simply high on life. Like the last day of school taken down 20 notches. And theres no crying, that too. Today we went to see a boring as HEEL ( yes as in shoe heel. I try to not swear as I feel bad about it if I do )film festivial. About the ocean. The videos varied from cartoons about talking fish to sharks being puntured with tracking devices. When I was the shark one, I felt really bad for the shark, I mean it was Alive when they did it and they didn't use a numbing thing for it. I have no idea why, but for some odd reason I felt bad that the shark had to be tracked. As stupid as this sounds, I felt like the shark's life should be the shark's life and that we should stick to living out our own. As in not messing with others'. How would a human feel if another animal took them in a small cage and stabbed tracking stuff into their skin and let the human go? Talk about lack of privacy. I defintley don't want people to see ME everywhere I go!!
Anyways, ...uh...
next topic please!
Okay, I got one.
Popularity. What urks me almost the most at school is Desperate Wannabes.I'm sure that I sounds like a total Bee-Itch saying that, but after all, this is for me to blog about MY life without holding anything back. I, myself, am not the most popular girl at school, but I'm not a wannabe nor geek either. Sadly, the real defining moment about who is cool and who not, is lunch time. Obviously, yopu hang out with your friends and the people you like hanging out with. So, at my school, you start out with the different grade levels. The 6th graders sit at the East side of the lunch room, 7th all over the place, trying to get closer to the It table if they think they're cool enough. And finally, the 8th graders sit at the very side of the lunch room, coolest the farest away. As I've stated before, I used to sit at the once C/B+ table, which has now turned into the C table, as the B's have all moved, or most likely, gotten cooler. I always could have sat at either table, but I just recently ( this year ) decided that the A table made me feel better. When you sit at the A feel people looking at you all the time. When the table erupts with laughter, people look at you then spread whispers to the far corners, and usually, take the side of the person whose an A that is half friends with them. Thats another thing. Taking sides. a Geek ( by puttig a "G" and not a "g", I don't mean that they are a different sub-catagory of human or anything. It's just that...a label is a label is label is a label. ) will always have one or two small connections with a Pop, therefore will take their side always, hoping for acceptance and all that crap ( "crap" is fine in my book ). For example, there is one girl I know, that bugs the heel out of me the way that she dreses and acts towards Pops. She is flat-chested. Let's just be frank with that. But she wears the same ugly hoodies and hideous turtle-necks, and tied-in-the-back ( with rubber bands nonetheless ) to school. Now, a person with a chest or any meat on their bones could pull this off, like the Pop girl I know, personal friend of mine, and I'm pretty sure that this girl copies off of her, the sometimes layered hoodies, tank tops and stuff, but there are certain things that only certain people can pull off. I am not completley flat-chested, very skinny yes ( no diseases or anything, lay off of me for that ), but I do have some boobs. My mom does have a good amount, so I think I will eventually get around the same as hers, but a little smaller since my dad is so skinny, like me. Wow. awkward topic. back to the one before that. Okay, so the girl that I was talking about ( let us call her...Follow ), she Always sides with, and by Always, I really mean it (!!) this other girl I know ( pretty big Pop )Cheeky. Cheeky will make a really random joke and pretend fight with a guy and then Follow will yell at the other person siding with Cheeky for no appearent reason and I think that everyone knows why. But back to the Lunch Table theory.It doesn't matter who you talk to in between clases or if that cool girl compliments you on your new jeans, because everyone is going to define you by, guess what? The table you sit at during lunch. You can always tell when you don't fit in. You can tell if your uncomfortable, lying, or a Bee-Itch or a Geek. Enough of that contraversial topic, I had a hard enough time writing my essay on Animal Testing.
Today I told that girl that I take the bus with, my ex-bff, that I like a guy. I mean, she's still my god friend. I just don't make too much of a deal that we're friends at school. As in, we wave to eachother in-between classes and see eachother after school and thats about it. I told her who I like and she said that she couldn't say much about him. She doesn't know why I do. I don't like the Geek anymore. Not really. In fact, he's weird. I found out that Nice Jock ( my crush's new name ) enjoys the same trick-shoulder-tapping that I do. It makes me love him, I mean LIKE (!!), so much more. We laugh at the same things. He's uber nice to me and really funny. He treats me different that other girls and the signs tell me that he likes me. I think we flirt. Do we? Or is it harmless talk and play? Not sure.
I'm a litle tired from typing, so I'll just sum up school stuff.
McDagger who used to come to school with us 8th graders ( remember that I go to a K-8 school ) came back to visit. He used to hang out with the girls and now the girls fall all over him. And I can't blam them, he's so Cute now!! And tall. I'm still short, but still. He's tall and border line cute-hot.
Started reading a book at school. Weird words. Small font.
Kay' I'm getting tired from typing, its almost been an hour! Whew.

Adios se Senors and Senioritas.

Dear Diary; my first entry filled with all that excitment and juicy gosip in my life.

Dear Diary,

( I shall call this blog a DIARY becuase, well, its easier this way)

wow, does a school year go by fast or what?

One of the strangest things so far, is that on the first official day of 8th grade(this year, and may I point out that this website is seriously lacking in 8th graders?)I felt like things were exactly the same as 7th grade. Nothing was very different and my friends and I treated eachother the same as always. Not like I hung out with anyone much anyway. I mean, I'm not a social leper or anything! It's just that the last year...or maybe the last 2 years, I was lagging a little behind socially. BUT, I mean I was still friends with my old friends who (somehow) all became more popular leaving me behind a little less popular. I was still invited to all the parties and stuff though. Last year I started to become more popular again from somehow acting like a wannabe in 6th grade, I'm not sure why I was, but Alas; I was young.
As this year started slow, I ate at my regular Table B as I would call it, although Table B earlier in the year was home to a mix of girls from the popularity rank from about a D+ to a B and I was a B. The ablsolute failing girls sat in the back of the cafeteria alone, well I mean alone with eachother, only 3 or 4 of them actuallly. One of which who used to be my BFF. Now I wouldn't say that I sold out on her as much as i would say that she souldn't keep up with my new found friends. It's was a difficult transition...that happended to happen twice in the years we have known eachother. On the few days I take the yellow bus home with her (I admit that I watch my back for people who might judge me from this) we have an absolute blast laughing up a storm and being completley immature. But theres no room for that at school.
I'll spare you the details on that and skip to later in the year.Oh, but first heres an important fact to help you understand whats happening these days. Princess Giggles* and Madam Stucky* were once best friends in kindergarten all through about the fall of 5th grade of the start of 6th which is when P.G. basically ditched M.S. and me (who became good friends with them in 3rd grade) for more friends. And along the way, Miss Candygram* always used to follow us around but she somehow ended up becoming closer to P.G. and I think it was by following her. I go to a K-8 school which is why everyone is so close and up-and-close in everyone else's business.
This year, M.S. and P.G. became like X again ( by "X" I meant like fingers crossed together. as in, really close) and Madam Stucky went up again to start being rude to me again, even though we're still friends and the two of us have moved up in rank to the B+/A Table. She just wants to impress Princess Giggles so she won't leave her again. P.G. is someone I can always make laugh with my most random stories and funny faces. It's always fun to be at her table in math class. The reason I call our table the "B+/A Table" is because the Most popular guys and girls who I call Super Omegas, though that sounds so very lame, sit in the P.E. teacher's bungalow during lunch and I fear the very sight of them just because even though I'm friends with the A and B+ girls and guys, I'm no match for the Alpha Omegas. I call my popularity "Default Popularity" and I'll leave you to conjer up a reason for that yourself.
Guys.guys. Dudes.Oh, boys boys boys.
If you knew me, you wouldn't call me boy crazy, but I've actually had a couple crushes this year and flirted up about all the guys at school that I'm comfortable talking to. But if you knew me, you wouldn't call me a flirt. Beacuse I'm that good. I really am super subtle with it all, the eye contact, the giggling, cracking small jokes, small shoving, pretending to be arguing, small one-on-one food fights. Yep. I'm pretty good. But I'm soo not a slut. Never been on a date. Never kissed. Sure I know for a fact that several guys at school have liked me, but I've never gone on a date before. I dress almost to the point of preppy-conservative, but not completly covered and and not really loose. With my small figure(I HATE. ) I wear tight clothes alot of the time. But its never reaveling. Truth be told, its because of my acne that I have. It's not an insane amount! But sometimes I get a little crop of zits on my back, chest, and or arms. I had some on my neck before too. not very noticeable, but I felt completly horrible about it.
Anyway. I like Two guys who I'll talk more about later. Lets say ones a super nice Geek and ones about a B+ to an A- like me.
Thats it for now, but before I sign off to go take a shower, heres an inside secret about someone from school:
#1:Madam Stucky? Guess what, she's fake. No no no, not plastic-made-of-rubber-eyes fake, I mean personality wise. Tell her a story when it's you and her One-on-one and she'll tell you whatever you just said is weird and she'll give you a scowl(note that this is only to the equal-or-less-to popularity people) but if you tell her with Princess Giggles by her side? [Who btw ended up being her follower but I have no idea gow it happended, M.S. is always pulling her to her side these days while (Literally!!)pushing me to the side and pretending she totally hates me in a obviously kidding way but still obviously totally rude and I called her out for being rude the other day leaving her speechless.]She'll laugh along side with P.G. who's cracking up like theres no tomorrow. And if a a girl slightly more popular than me tells the story? She'll laugh with her and not with me. Rude much? Yes. Yes very much indeed. Talk about selling out.

Thats all,

* = name change so someone at school doesnt find this diary and beat the stuffings out of me.