Sunday, February 28, 2010


Dear Diary, (Note that I've been working on this blog post for say eh, about 3 days off and on)

Shakespeare once told of a certain kind of love.
Unrequited love, that is.

And the way I see it, high school is made up of certain fundamentals, or as I like to call it (to be ironicly depressing yet surprisingly dark humored), FUNmentals.
These FUNmentals also apply to middle school and sadly enough, in even preschool and elementary school; where the roots of innocence are and dirty boy minds, pervertedness, and backstabbing spread rapidly through minds.
It's like having a clean apple and rolling it in mud, which actually sounds pretty funny when you put it that way.

These are my FUNmentals:

Boy loves girl. Girl does not love boy.
Girl loves boy. Boy does not love girl.
Crusher loves crushee but never does anything about it.
Rejection happens oftenly.
If it was the boy rejected, he will most likely try and try again, rejected constantly.
Crush and Crushee like one another. They have nothing to talk about. They do not talk.
Friend likes other friend. They never actually get together. Forget the Some Kind of Wonderful movie babe, it don't happen where I'm from.
Everyone knows when there's a major crush going on around work/school. Everyone but the crushee that is.

Basically, though people never think of it, Unrequited love is everywhere and there all the time. It may not be openly known, or it may be openly acknowledged by all. Sometimes it's kept quiet and it will be a secret never revealed, like mine. Or it may be told to friends, and friends of those friends; spread like wildfire.
But as an end result, it will usually-almost always-end in heartbreak.

SO. Diary, you may ask what my sudden interest in relationship relations is all about.
Naturally, it's a guy. A dude.
(Then again, when it comes to teenage girls, what isn't about guys?)
And yes, I'll admit this time that I think he's really, really, super cute! And I'm not one to get all gushy about guys, mind you.
My last say, 2 crushes? They were very...average looking.
Now. This guy who I'll call...CCAN (No that doesn't stand for "CanCan, Can you do theCanCan?!") which stands for CrazilyCuteAndNice.

He is just adorable. He's not adored by all the girls, or rejected constantly (at least I'm pretty sure). He isn't a geeky and clingy braniac, nor a hard-headed and heartless jock.

CCAN did 2 things this year that I found incredibly sweet, bold, and kind.
You don't find too many guys out there who would do these 2 actions. Not at my school at least.

Our class goes to a bungalow to talk about physical fitness and do paperwork or watch videos in gym every other Monday (Yes, me and him have gym together) and because it's alphabetical order, he sits right next to my desk. And the guy from my old school who I'll call OldSchool sits behind me.
I always talk to OS and one day the guy who sits behind CCAN-one of CCAN's good friends, and if you ask me, he's also leader of their group-was talking about one of my friends. My friend is on the bigger boned side and this guy was saying something like, "Oh you mean the girl with the fat ass?"
I thought, "That's hella mean, you ass!"
And I don't know, maybe I made some facial expression that showed how I felt, but as I looked down at my paper in front of me, I heard a guy say pretty dayum seriously,"Dude, that's hella mean."
He didn't yell it like one of those weird religion-obsessed guys downtown saying,"Girls, do not be hoes!" who hand out flyers with words like slut and virginal sprawled all over them, and he didn't act too serious like a bomb was about to explode in his inner intestine, but he said it a certain way. A certain way I liked a lot.

Oh btw, just to make me like him even more, I saw his profile on Facebook the other day and he didn't join stupid groups like "Pandas are not racist, they are black, white, AND Asian!" (Like duh to that. Obviously they are colored black and white and from an Asian country, but that doesn't mean that they are racist towards the Scandinavian, El Salvadorian, and Swedish communities if you wanna get all technical about it!)
His groups were sick. Or ill. Or cool. Or groovy. Whichever one of those adjectives you prefer to use.
I saw a couple different groups:
Guess What.....What?.....I Love You :).
i am always here if you need me.....
And then his status last night was really sweet:
The night was awesome... The night sky was clear and windy and full of stars...♥

I wonder if he knows how incredibly perfect he seems? I mean, sure he's got a zit or 2 once in a while, but who doesn't. And he's not the tallest guy ever, but I never like my guys too tall seeing as how I'm pretty short anyway. I'd say he's around 5'6 but he'll grow within the next 3 and 1/2 years, and if he doesn't I'd be happy with 5'6! Remember my FUNmental I said at first?
"Crush and Crushee like one another. They have nothing to talk about. They do not talk."
I think that's where me and him are. CCAN and I have reached an impasse, a rock and a hard place if you will.
My question that tops all is:
What do you talk about with someone you like? How do you start conversations with them when the only class you share with them is gym. Of all class subjects, mine is the hardest to root conversations from. I mean, you can ask about work, and tests and quizzes and projects and homework in all classes...except gym. Randomly asking how many push-ups they can do or if they are physically fit enough to do a mile around the track seems a little strange to ask someone you don't know too well, but want to know a whole lot better.
Or, the worst and most killer of conversations:
The weather.
That's the best way to get stuck in the friend zone, or rather, just-close-enough-to-talk-with zone.
I want to be close friends with him really badly.
See...the weird thing is that I wouldn't quite call this a CRUSH and definitely not LOVE. I'm just...interested.
And I have no idea what he wants.

I forgot to give you reason numero dos why he seems sweet, bold, and KIND.

We were all leaving the gym's main room and going out to the track to run laps outside. Me and the girl I met at orientation a while ago are basically p.e. buddies and always run/talk/play the physical fitness crapola together, and we were getting up to walk to the track. We all sit down in alphabetical order to take roll before doing our activities and I sit next to OldSchool and we always chat a lot while we stretch and stuff; next to him is a girl I randomly play slide with sometimes, and CCAN is next to SlideyGirl.
There is one guy in my class who never talks, never even speaks a word, and he doesn't really have any friends in the class from what I've seen.
Everyone is standing up and walking to the stairs leading down to the track except the quiet guy. The quiet guy is sitting still and CCAN comes over right in front of me says, "Come on, let's go," and sticks out his hand, helping the quiet guy get up.
It was pretty much one of the sweetest things I've seen from a guy before.

So anyway. That's that.
I'm actually supposed to go to my Teen Leadership Program activity thing today where I help with some event, but I felt the need to get CCAN off my chest first.

He's soooo cute. Like, whoahh baby, can you be any cuter? Such a babe but not in the most conventional way, yet not UNconventional either. Just great. Really. Can I get a "Woot-woot" or "DAYUM" or "Bow chika wowow" ?

Sometimes I see him looking towards me and I look at him too, but I'd hate to blush or seem like I'm staring, so I always just flip my hair in the other direction and continue pretending to be interested in the conversations around me.

And there's one more topic I wanted to cover today:
Seeing someone you know from school on a bus or the mall or any other public area in which you are compelled to either say "Hi," and have an awkward conversation, "Hi" or wave and walk away, or completely try to block your face and avoid any vision of you from the other person.
Basically awkward meetings of people you don't really know, but truthfully, do know a little bit just from being in the same class or having a similar group of friends or any other way.
Honk Honk, all boarding the Awkward Express; destination: Awkward Central, -evil robot voice- there's is no escape, resistance is (DURR) futile.

Oh! Now that I'm on a roll with blogging today, I should catch you up on some stuff that's been going on.

-You remember LBB (LightBrightBarney) right? He asked me to Facebook marry him and first I thought he was joking until I got the marriage request. Because I didn't have the heart to reject him, I said yes and accepted. I just hope that guys I'm interested in don't think that there's actually something going on between the two of us! If my Facebook profile still reads:
Married to: LBB
in 3 or 5 or 10 years, then I'll know there's a problem going on. I plan to "divorce him" sometime around Spring Break. I can say that I found someone else or something like that just for kicks.
-You really must remember MissStucky from my middle school and late elementary school years too. She was the bitch who I befriended and we were uber-tight throughout middle school until 8th grade when she thought she could win back her ex-best friend (Remember PrincessGiggles?) who deserted the two of us in about 5th grade. One day in 8th grade we were walking toward the bus stop together, just the two of us. We were the pair of friends who just talked and talked and talked about anything and everything, or at least she talked and I listened. The next day she would barely talk to me at all. I said something funny and went all like, "Right, MS?" and she just nodded slightly like she barely wanted to acknowledge her presence. I mean, what the hell was her problem? MS must have been pretty effin' pissed off when one day PG declared me as her best friend as we started an old school game of 4-square during p. e. one day. The rest of 8th grade if MS talked to me or saw I was even in the perimeter around her, she tried to be the biggest possible bitch she could think of in her huge-ass yet completely empty dumb-ass head.
Now cut to high school. See the gaggles of giggling girls, the jocks with girls surrounding them-note that in high school it is SO not uncommon to see a group of girls with one guy hanging around them, soaking up the attention-, and see two different reigning groups. Although there might actually be 3, 2 of them combine to the bitch clique. That clique I like to stray from. You know what happens when too many queen bees take up eachother's presences...

One alpha group is me, and my three girl friends. You probably would call us the more chill, friends with everyone girls, who guys like a lot. Note that none of us have boyfriends though we have a lot of boy friends if you know what I mean. I'm soo not boasting my ego here though. Because honest to your God--or-non-god--of truth, we do reject quite a lot of guys. I'd say that we all are pretty good looking, dress pretty nice without the "trying too hard" factor or the clone factor where we all look like the exact same person.

The other two groups. One has my old friend Mindy in it, we hung out almost everyday in the beginning of the year but now it's just a "Hi" here and there once in a while. I don't really know what happened to out friendship. It drifted away? Everybody says that. The truth is always that one of them changed, for good. It's weird what people will do to try to be in the "in" crowd when really it's just people who dress nice, look good, and backstab a whole lot. Even though, yeah, I am partially in a cool crowd, I know how to stay in without losing myself in the process. I guess I've learned from being backstabbed in the past, you've got to keep your cool at all times.
Anyway, that's one half of the alphaomega supernaturally popular group. I also like to call it the BitchyCow group just to be cheeky.
The other half, I must say truthfully, well they aren't really as pretty as any of the other popular girl groups. Yet something in them makes them popular. They mostly seem uncaring. Unappreciative. Unhappy. Bitchy. And intimidating.
One of our favorite girls-who we have grown to dislike very much-is in this group . Oh yeah, it's MissStucky. Sometimes because of mutual friends I am forced to sit in the same area as her, not next to the conceited and annoying bitch herself mind you, just maybe 5 or 6 people away during lunch once in a while.
Guess what.
(No not chicken butt)
She still doesn't acknowledge my presence. But something has changed.
(Btw, guess who? Chicken Leg.)
The other day I was sitting around her, about 3 people away from MS and sitting to one of my power clique friends who is super sweet and nice. One of the coolest guys in my grade came over and sat next to me and we chatted about things. At one point he ate a little of my food and we talked about whether or not my spaghetti (I can never spell that word, had to spell check it like 5 times, just so you know) was really Italian. I saw MissStucky look in my direction and I think something clicked in her head. She knew that she couldn't boss me around anymore, I was no bitch's bitch to be said frankly. I had people who so WOULD defend me if she acted mean towards me and she knew it. And once again,
I saw her look jealous. At me. Me?
What was the other time? Well, remember NiceJock from middle school? Yeah, the guy who I pretty much had a big crush on and I still kind of think of him sometimes. I wish I didn't have the regret of never knowing what could have been. I think regret is the worst emotion. At least when you were rejected, it means you tried. Regretting doing something is wishing you could change from the past. You can grow from reject, but not from regret except maybe going for what you want in the future, if you finally get the nerve.
Well one day he picked me to be his partner for a p. e. jump roping activity. And I mean, this guy is fit. I myself, slightly sucked at jump roping. But of course NJ was nice enough (ha NiceJock is nice, what a cowinkydink) to not bash my jumping roping skills compared to his mad jump roping skills. Like, damn. He was good.
Anyway. MS kept looking over there because she admitted to me that she liked him about a week before that. I liked him way before that but I never told a soul. Damn he was funny, fit, and smart. Not as cute as CCAN though.
And later in the year NJ and me were walking toward the auditorium together and he started telling me about his yearbook quote and I asked him about it. MS was walking a solo act behind us and I saw her look so bitter and jealous.
But the truth was that he really didn't like her very much. He thought she was mean. Like all the other guys thought she was a bitch.

SO. That's all I got to say about that.
Oh sorry. I saw Forrest Gump too many times this week. It was on every single night. And I never managed to stay awake through the whole things from start to finish. Maybe they'll have another Gump week?
-That Girl, Stupid is as Stupid Does.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Why yes, I would like to practice my FRENCH with you this Valentines' Day.

cutelove.jpg cute couples 2 image by laya_lopez12f

Dear Diary, ((Forgot to put time started. It's 5:5 PM right now though. 2/12/10.))
And like, whoa again.
I haven't written anything in about 2 months, ain't that a crazy thing? I must be going insane, yes? I guess.
I mean...I guess I know the reason I haven't posted anything new in a while. But to get to this point, we must go through the process step-by-step (please refer to the amazingly sick-in a good way of course-movie full of awesomeness and 0% suckage known as Clue to fully understand my expressions and tone of voice here. By the way, in reality the butler usually does do it but you never know the truth my dear Watson).
Oh. Sorry. I'm a little weird-feely right now. Like I said, not enough blogging can drive a girl to the edge. Just hope the roadblock stops me before it's too late.

So, Step 1 to the madness of no blog posts:
Cut to about one month ago. You see the quaint, quirky, and tasteful little That Girl. She is furiously typing on her laptop. She's writing her own personal story to brush up on writing habits while also at the same time dishing about drama in her life on her blog. (Bonus 50 points for multitasking, baybay)
I started writing a full-length story and managed to dig up enough creative material to fill up 15-ish pages about a girl named Melanie. The suckage? After carefully correcting all the punctuation marks and grammar junk I decided to make myself a cup of hot chocolate.
This single cup of caffeine-infested H20 (I bought the packets of hot coco powder with the ingredient of caffeine randomly added) was my downfall.
My arch-enemy against my high voltage clumsiness if you will.
And I stood no chance.
The sweet and savory liquid kills. Literally. It killed my laptop. And it showed no mercy.
Play Mercy by Duffy. And other soundtracks similar in topic for dramatic (or rather, not dramatic, but quite fitting) effect.
I reached over for the whipped cream.
I loved whipped cream. Until it turned on me. Used my love for it to get it's own way. I mean, you know, if my whipped cream happened to be plotting revenge on me that is.
As I reached across the desk I knocked over an object. Slowly but surely I realized that the object was the entire glass of milk with an added bonus of not 1, but 2 packets of the chocolate caffeine murderer. I was in complete shock and awe. (Wait, awe can be bad right? Usually being in awe of someone is a good I'm just ponderin' a little about it now.)
The whole cup fell on the laptop conveniently located on my lap.

(HA it's a pun. Laptop on my lap. How ironic and punny. PUNNY! HA! It's like "pun" and "funny" put together. Ha-ha.
Hey don't give me that look. I had a rough night sleeping last night, okay buddy?)

And so I stared as my laptop fell on the floor, unplugged it's laptop charger by itself, and got smashed by the cup. As it fell, the screen went blank. Then the horrendous looking scene was enhanced by a sound known to me as despair, it was the computer making it's last sound. The sound it makes when it shuts off. But it didn't come to life this time.
Death of computer was among me. It seeped through the air and I realized...
I. did. not. save. my. story. on. a. nother. computer.
It was nothing but a sad scene marked by a cruel indifference of... some other intimidating word that I can't think of right now.

So. That's what happened first. Then.
Alright I'll just be frank with you. And you can be joe with me. HAHA!
( ...
Okay don't give me that face again. And make sure to not miss any night's sleep. Or you'll be marked by cruel indifference like me. Whatever the h-e-double hockeysticks that's supposed to mean.)

I had no problems to talk about really. I was hanging out with friends and strangely enough -gasp- being quite normal with no drama in particular to talk of.
Until now. Naturally, now things are getting kind of weird.

First off.
I was talking to LB. LightBright, or actually I renamed him Barney right? Okay LBB. LightBrightBarney. There we go, that's perfecion.
So he started talking to me on AIM when I put as my status that I finally got a new laptop. Which, by the way, I obviously did. It's a Windows somein or another.
Back to the topic.
He started to try to flirt with me. Again. (Some things never change, huh?)
LBB was all like "so wat's up with you babe?" to me after we chatted about my laptop for a while. In my head I'm just thinking Ummm.
But what I said was "Oh oh so it's BABE now? LOL"
Then he tried to backhandedly compliment a little later in our conversation in which he called me "hot innocent girl =)" which I soo did not fall for hook, line, and sinker like he wanted me to. I told him he was sounding weird that day and asked him if he had any head injuries in the past few days.
Hit by a rock? BOOM then you're weird acting.
Living the life of LBB? BOOM you are always acting weird.
I told him that there was no way I could accept a compliment from him because of his boynextdooritis. Incurable disease it is. Stuck in the friend zone.
Then it was like he read my mind when he said
"haha i suffer from nice guy sindrum haha =)"
Which is true beyond belief. Perverted yet actually really nice and sweet inside is him.

Anyway, that's that. I would type more but my mom is on my case about staying on the computer too long. I would say "Boo you whore" to her but I settled with "I really don't want to do anything else besides this right now except maybe curl up in a small ball known as the fetal position and die. I'm exhausted from school." This was when she asked if I wanted to go to the garden of the house and pull random weeds out the ground. Oooh you sure do know how to kick back and have a fun time mom.

KessKUHsay? SayunFLURE. ZvahvoodrayunFLURE!
What is that? That is a flower. I would like a flower!
That's in French..
Too bad I have nobody to French with this Valentines' Day.

-That Girl, did you catch the pun?