I am...going INSANE!

It's ranting time!
(There is no quote of the day because there will be several quotes of the day today.)

Dear Diary, (( 9:26 AM, I'm calling in sick for work-asthma plus cough plus sore throat- because, yes indeed, I'm feeling sick but also because I woke up about an hour late. OH well. ))







I've been so incredibly on and off about MalcomC. In fact, I think I might change his name because I'm not sure if it fits him since I don't think he really is my dream guy.
Yet, at times? I do think he could be.

It's just so strange. But anyway, I think that I've turned him off by now.
It's all stupid WrestlingChick's fault! She caused all the wrecks between her, and me, and MC.
See, she tells me secrets about how she feels about him-in FRONT of him!-and other people tell me different secrets around him and when I laugh or comment back, he stares at me and I think he thinks I'm talking about him when it really has nothing to do with him at all!

I'm seriously at the ends rope with boys.
Or more as, boys in my Teen Leadership Program. Besides, we only work for another 2 weeks more! I should be able to say bye to these guys for a long time, and even though I work year round, I only go to the preschool for meetings 2 or 3 times a month on weekends.

Also, ConfortGuyFriend (remember him? The nice, funny guy friend that I work with) has been confusing the hell out of me.
No, wait that's not right.

MalcomC is confusing the hell out of me and CGF is just making me even more confused. If that's even possible, because trust me, I'm already pretty confused!!
You see, he's really to me and funny too. He even texted me a couple times!
One day I said I was sick and he told me to get better soon with a

:-")

face wit it! He's so nice and I almost felt like he flirted with me a few times...and there's something else that I've discovered with myself lately...

I'm a...

HUGE FLIRT!


And it's so terrible because I'm starting to attract guys I don't like.
When all I wanted before was MalcomC, I'm not sure anymore.

The guys in the Program (if I refer to Program later on, I mean the Teen Leadership Program. You know, just for the record.) think that he's weak and sad though.
Because WC likes him and when he found out, he started being mean to her.
But she still loves him and everyone knows it...but I know guys. I know when they like someone

(besides my self of course, I mean, think we've established the fact that I'm awesome with guys for other people, but am clueless for guys with myself. Like a Hermit Matchmaker. And yes, I went to dictionary.com to find another word for lonely came came up with hermit.)

and when they don't.

I think that I get most of my "great"-add cheesy thumbs up and wide smile for very sarcastic and cynical effect-guy advice and stuff from my older brother.
He's good and telling me stuff and when he ever needs girl advice or extra fashion advice, he asks me, and I always ask him about fashion and anything else inside a dude's head.
And my brother is pretty good with girls. He has a girlfriend and whenever we go to the mall or wherever, I see girls checking him out. I.E. giving him the Once-Over and usually the Elevator. I always thought that the once-over was the same as the elevator, but he told me it was different. The elevator is when they look from top to bottom and linger a little, while the once over is when he quickly look over at them the stop looking.
The lady at the cake shop on Sunday, did both.

But actuality, I've been trying to stop Once-Overing and summing up people quickly. Because judging a book by a cover can suck. You might look like crap one day and have an amazing personality or vice versa; looking like you just stepped out of Teen Vogue and have a crappy personality that day.
You really never know. And I hate it when I get the once-over.

While they're doing it you just end up thinking :

"Oh no/Holy crap! This is not good timing! Do I have macaroni in my hair from working with the preschoolers after school today? Do I have glue in my hair from doing arts and crafts? And DO THEY NOTICE ALL MY BROKEN NAILS FROM THE ROPE COURSE I WENT ON YESTERDAY WITH MY FRIENDS??"

followed by tugging on clothing to fit better or a hair tousle to make yourself look more breezy or turning to purse to grab phone and look more social.

Or vice versa, like I said before.


Anyway, back to the Program (hehe it's a pun...)

My problem is that I don't understand WHY I don't like ConfortGuyFriend!
He's funny, good dresser, cute (okay, um sorta cute...he's aite... OKAY), and can make pretty good conversation. The attraction just isn't there though. No chemistry or anything. As in, no sparks.
Just another friend. Like, REALLY. Another friend is all it is.

So, I think that's all I wanted to say for today. I'll notify ya if anything else turns up though!!

Sayanora (in the best possible way of course)

-That Girl

OH right. More cute guys! Here's just a bunch of varied guys I find cute!

Well, I know this is stupid, but I think that the characters that play Harry Potter and Ron Wesely are really cute.
Here they are: Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint :)





Jesse Bradford from Bring it On and Clockstoppers is also very cute, or at least he was in Bring it On!




Jamie Bell was really, super cute in Billy Elliot (my age-ish at the time!) and he's prety good looking now too :)



Ben from What I like About You was really cute, but too old looking after, here's one from the show. But strangely? I could only find one picture of him when he's this age!



That's all for now Diary! Ta-ta!

The After Taste of Warm Butterflies

"Yeah, you must not be used to these buses. These have graffiti all over and your buses are lined with diamonds."
From MalcomC,to me today.
I personally thought that this was hi-lar-ous!
We were all getting on (we as in the people in the Teen Leadership Program) the bus to a not-so-glamorous part of town and I was saying that there was a lot of graffiti all over the place. Like seriously, on the floor and walls there were so many words! And since MC lives slightly around this place, he's used to the graffiti.
I thought that it was a wee bit insulting to me, like as if he was trying to tell me that I was a spoiled brat, but I know he didn't mean it; so it's okay.

Dear Diary, ((10:37 PM on Monday night and hell-to-the-no I shouldn't be up this late today when tomorrow I work with the Preschoolers at 9 AM, which means I have to leave my house by 8 AM, which means I have to wake up at 7 AM. 10-7 is what? 10 hours of sleep? Oh, well I'll be okay then.))

You know those butterflies you get when you realize that you have a new crush?
Like that warm feeling in your stomach that says, "Hey, maybe there's someone whose as weird/cool/sarcastic/compatible as me?"
Well, I got that.

Actually, you'll never guess who it is!
I like MalcomC.
Oh the colors are brighter again!
The sky more blue and the plants more green and full of lively colors with the bright flowers and fruit blooming towards that wonderfully bright sun that gives us the warmth to thrive in this world.

And that's how I feel when I have a crush.
See why my mood is so tragic when I don't like anybody?

We had a field trip today and me and him talked and talked and talked about just about everything. Parents. Shoes. Money. Future. Money. The cost of Bananas.
Yup, you name it, we talked about it.

And get this. He GETS my jokes!
He actually has my sense of smart-alec, sarcastic, cynical, and yet bright humor.

We had a bunch of different conversations and we ended up laughing at both our jokes in each conversation, but at the same time, we had INTELLIGENT conversation too!
It's like, when most guys and myself chat, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: Yeah, I think I wanna buy some new clothes before school starts!

Other guy: That's stupid, you can buy video games and pizza with that money. God, girls are so stupid.

Me: I kind of like some new clothes once in a while.
Instead of wearing the same clothes every day. Like some people I know.

Other guy: Like who?

Me: Like you for instance.

Other guy: Uhhh umm shut up. Whatever. -walks away-


But it's usually not awkward when me and MC talk! It's smart, quick-witted, funny, and interesting conversation!

Even his immaturity matches mine! At times he's totally immature, but it's the funny I-want-to-make-you-and-just-you(cuz-I'm-lookin-your-way)laugh-out-loud!

And I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.

The right amount of randomness, kindness, cynical-eque attitude, sarcasm, maturity, immaturity, and quick-wit makes me like him so flippin' much!
Note that I got the "flippin'" off of a Ben&Jerry's ad on a tour bus this morning.

He's also okay looking and has a pretty good sense of style.
Simple yet in style. Doesn't look like he tries, but I'm sure he does.


I know I promised cute guys in today's post, but I have to get to bed now!
It's now 11:02 PM and I'm only going to get 9 hours of sleep now, right?


Good Night my honnêtement Diary,

-That Girl; thinking about everything in a good light.
Don't turn off the lamp ;)

Guys are weird, weird things. (Pictures, ideas, and just stuff)

"Look at that kid there in the jackets. He must by DYING in that!"

By the guy I work with to me. He told all the other people too, but he told me first :) Not that I care or anything...heh heh heh.
No seriously, it's just something funny that happened. We were all on a field trip to a lake which is actually more like a small beach-and there was one kid in two jackets, jeans, and a tee underneath where it was like 80 degrees!

_____

_____

Dear Diary ((10:11 PM on a Friday night. I'm soo tired!))

Oh do I have some choice words for you today.

Boys are weird.
Boys suck.
Boys rock.
Boys give you butterflies.
Boys can get stuck in the friend zone.
Boys are weird.

Yep that's basically what I wanted to say today.

Okay, let me try to explain.
Whatever happened to MalcomC, you may ask?
I still work with him, but not techincally cuz I only see MC on Mondays when the Teen Leadership Program has meetings.

But I don't like him anymore.
At least...I don't think.

In fact, I don't think thatI like anybody right now! And it's not a good feeling.
Like I can't explain it, but it's like when I have a crush on a guy-the future feels like it's full of possiblities, the colors look brighter, and I get that warm butterfly feeling when I think about him.

But I don't get that anymore. Actually, ot almost kind of feels like an empty feeling when I don't like someone because I want to like someone so much, but I just DON'T! It's a frustrating and aggravating thing, and maybe I should go talk to someone about it and it's not normal, but I don't think it's serious.
I'm boy-crazy, but not in the way that you'd expect.
I want to like a new guy every time I get over the last one, but sometimes I get stuck in a rut of not liking anyone for a while.

You know what?
I personally think that no matter what a girl and a guy may say, they are either liking someone, or just getting over someone and looking for someone else.

Because to be honest? Who wants to feel lonely?
Like there's no matches for them.
The search result for
[insert your single self's name here] gets a "0 Results, try a different name search" is how I feel.
Get it?

So, in my quote above in black, I mentioned a guy. Let's call him ComfortGuyFriend. Or CGF for short.
But no, I do not like him. Serious.
I mean, sense of humor wise I'm totally into him, but I'm not attracted to him overall. It seems like we would bode well together but he's the kind of guy I can't imagine going to a fancy dinner with or kissing really. More like the guy I talk to for my problems and feelings and to just laugh with.

Does that mean that I've sectioned him off into the "Friendshi" chapter of my life?
-sigh- I just don't know these days. I'm usually so sure, but now I just don't know about much of anything. :(

Anyway, carrying on!
I would like to show my appriciation for my 6th, count 'em, 6TH follower!
My follower give me inspiration that hey, maybe someone gives a "S" word about my life afterall. I strongly encourage my followers to comment on my posts and tell me what they'd like me to talk about, about what they don't want to hear about, or just comments about my life or your life problems and tactics would be very encouraging to hear!!


Anyway, I just decided to find some cute guys over the web and give you my totally objective opinions on random-esque guys! Pretty fun, eh?

Let's start on Asian guys that I think are cute!
Note that I don't have the names of most of them since I just do a Google search and copy+paste the pics here!

This guy is Aaron Kwok who seems to be the ultimate pretty boy!
The lips look full and kissable and his whole look is light and not egotistic or self-doubted. He also looks a bit goofy which I really like :)



Jason Xu is ditto is Aaron except he looks a little more confident which I like in a guy. He looks like he woudl be up for a game of beach volleyball during the sunset :)



I have no idea who this is, but he's sorta cute

This dude is Wallace huo, and kinda cute in a feminine way :)



Zic Zhou is CUTEEEEE!!!



Next time I'll continue with blondes, brunettes, redheads (if I can find any!), black guys, and hispanics.

Guys sure are interesting things, aren't they?

-That Girl, ponderin' it all out.

Weekly schedule: more about guys in next post though!!

"So...there are Harvard Hotties, so are there Princes in Princeton? Then of course there are Stanford Smarties and Cal Cuties!" From me and some of my co-workers at the preschool. I did the "Stanford Smarties" myself, thank you very much!

Dear Diary,
((12:17 AM on Wednesday, okay I guess now it's actually Thursday and I'm just in a mood to type about stuff. Literally. I just rubbed my palms together and put my hair up in a ponytail. It's time.
*Sigh* No using my "palms" I didn't secretly try to pun palms into "psalms" as in religious psalms. Religious stuff I don't like to joke about-feels to creepy and un-moral-eque. For the record-hand palms is what I was talking about.)


First off, sorry that I haven't had time to blog much lately!
My summer, I'm proud to say, has been hectic and busy!
Yup, no lazying around the house till the wee hours of the morning and waking up at 2 in the afternoon for me like I usually do during the summer! Yes, sad I know. But I'm keeping up a good schedule these days! Wanna know what it is? I don't care, cuz guess what? I'm gonna tell you my sched anyway!

Takes an average of 4 buses everyday: the 43 to the 45 on the way there, then the 30 to the 42 on the way back, but sometimes the 30 stops in the middle of nowhere to take a darn-flabbit stop and I have to get off and wait for the next 30.
OH yes, fun.


Mondays:
Wake up at 8:30 AM and shower. Leave by 10AM and get to work by 11 AM.
Stay until about 3 PM and go home.

Tuesdays:
Wake up at 7:00 AM and shower. Leave by 8:00 Am and get to work at 9Am.
Stay until 4:30 PM and go home.

Wednesdays:
(optional day but my hours need to average 18 a week)
Help Seniors in Computer Lab from 10:00 AM to 1:30 PM

Thursdays:
(also optional)
3PM to 4PM Garden work.

Fridays:
10 AM to 4 PM with Upper (3rd to 5th grade) field trips.
This week we're going to the lake and I have to get there at 9:15 AM!

*YAWNNN*

Oops I was watching Secret Life of the American Teenager online and I guess it got later than I thought it was!! It's practically 1:20 AM now!!


Gotta Blast! (Jimmy Neutron. Of course.)

-That Girl; tired beyond knowledge.

FMLs-not my own!

Dear Diary ((6:55 PM... 4th of July!))

I'm in the mood to make myself feel better about my *ahem* slightly pathetic *ahem* life so I'm checkin' out http://fmylife.com to ease my pain!

Here's some of my all-time faves!!

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I proceeded to give him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

Today I had to perform a skit in my class. My skit included me wearing tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt good. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

Today my daughter asked me when the first time I had sex was and when I told her 22 she quickly shouted "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

Today, I spotted one of my close friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I decided to creep up behind him, grab his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man voice "give me all your money!". Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

Today my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

Today I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

Today, I worked at a homeless shelter for over 3 hours, then had my car stolen by some homeless guy. FML

Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML

No wait, these is my favorite ones out of them all:

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull right out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled: "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

Ahhhh Good Bye self pity!

-That Girl, soaking in the FMLs :)

Head over Converse sneakers, quiz results, and popularity

"Oh right, 'flip chair over!'"
I scribbled on the re-construction of the garden planning paper for work that me and MalcomC were putting together. Then we burst into laughter while everyone had serious work faces on.
We seriously sucked at drawing and didn't give much of a "shit" as MC would so boldly say. The swearing, not the sentence in whole that is.
We were supposed to be planning what new plants and stones to add where but we were out of luck with ideas so instead we drew the chair that was left upside down in the garden and decided to fix that as I carefully it marked on the re-modeling paper.
More or less, the paper looked pathetic, but like previously said, who gives a "shit"?

Dear Diary ((11:41 PM, or rather, it's almost AM right now so...yup.))

I like MalcomC so much. It's driving me crazy.
But it's not like I'm not getting the whole "butterflies in stomach, cat's got my tongue" or any other crazy animal metaphor kind of thing happening to me when we're around. It's like liking your good friend. You get awkward at times, and sometimes you can totally insult eachother in good humor and talk about the most random things without getting nervous.
But I can't take this crush thing. It does not bode well with me!!

And he might like this other girl I work with. I'll call her...WrestlingChic (aka WC) and she is stiff competition. I call her WC because she's obsessed with wrestling stuff and wants to do it in high school. She brings like 10 wrestling mags to our meetings every Monday.
And me? I personally think she's a little freaky, and I might be a little apprehensive to talk to her if I were a dude. She is also very outspoken, pretty good looking, funny, and obsessed with *ahem* sorry again for another Google search result for this term *ahem* she is obsessed with Twilight. Supposedly a "Team Jacob" and yes I'll admit it. Jacob is hot. And the guy playing Edward was super hot in Harry Potter although I think he looked weird in the Twilight movie. Yes, I saw it. I had a rental of the DVD, okay?? My uncle rented it to me to see it.

So yeah. MC might like WC.

And yes again.
I am a little jealous of her.
She might like him because they spend a lot of time walking to the Muni station and planning the garden set up together for work and stuff.
I'm green. But who cares?
And when I say "green," I'm not talking about the environment.

She says she doesn't like him. But I see the signs. I've given the signs to a guy before. Two guys to be exact. And I think he likes her. He seems almost under her spell. He does a laugh when she says stupid things and his laugh kind of says "well that's my girl for you!"
And I hate it. So much.

But you'd never tell from how I act around him! I feel like we're just buddies when we talk and when we're around eachother.

In some ways, I THINK I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM!
In some ways that is. Like these ways:

The way he is a little like a bookworm. (well that's okay I guess.)
Doesn't warmly accept sarcasm (most DEF not okay with me)
Might like other girl (Ditto to the last)
I hate his comebacks for insults ("Your Mom" Nuff said.)
Not outgoing (I like a little outgoing-ism)
Not spontaneous (I get the feeling he wouldn't be up for anything. Turn down)

He reminds me of Nice Jock and Nicerooni put together (I need to get over them and he has all the bad characteristics of them combined and some of the good. He's the perfect combination of the two of them. And I hate that.)

-SIGH- That's enough for now.

Oh, and ClassReject sent me a text today. "I love you!" it said.
He was kidding of course. But I didn't care.
I don't like him of course!! But it was nice of him to kind of cheer me up when I was ranting my bad day to him via text message.

Okay, what else?

Um...I took some quizzes. Wanna see the results? Too bad, you're about to see them anyway sweet stuff.

Very Popular!

You are cute

You are good at striking up a conversation, and you listen attentively. People find you cute and easy to connect with.

16 real friends

I'm 97% charming

Kindness

You will lend a helping hand to any friend you think needs it, and to everyone who you have helped they see you as a close friend who they appreciate and ready to return a favor. Your kindness is likely to earn you a reputation and make you the go-to person when your friends seek quality companionship.

Sexy smile

Your smile has a hint of flirtation in it which makes you look fun and attractive. When you flash a smile, people know that it signals that start of a potentially great conversation.

You come off as a humorous and friendly

People are likely notice you quickly because of your sense of humor and the crowd that you draw with it. You are the spirit of the party and you are always the one making people laugh, thereby lighting up the mood of the room and breaking the ice. You are just really easy to be around.

A wonderland

A wonderland! Bright colors everywhere! Happiness is all around you. Fun and playful! Your mind is like a imaginary theme park!

Your a BRUNETTE!!

Congratulations!! You are a genius!! your one of the smartest people completing the smart brunette stereotype!!! You are super gorgeous & super smart both great qualities!! So stick to the other hair colors and show off your beauty & brains!!!

Miley Cyrus

Life's never a dull moment with you. You're always trying to find ways to make the most out of a sticky situation. Even if someone tries to bring you down, you hold your head up high and keep walking; people admire you for that.

You need a bestfriend boy. It sounds very boring, but it's really not. This could turn into the most passionate relationship ever! You need someone that is just fun to be around, without all the mushy gushy stuff all the time. You want to be able to be yourself around a guy, and just hangout like you do with your friends. You also probably value being able to have a conversation that has to do with more than how much you "miss" or "love" eachother. If you have a bestfriend that's a guy, don't be afraid to DATE HIM! He could turn out to be the perfect guy for you. And if you don't have a guy bestfriend already, then find one! If you meet a guy you might be interested in, see if you can just be friends before you climb into the relationship.

Yep, those are the quizzes I took! But I already know my type.

Best friend-yes.
Funny-yes.
Easy to talk to-yes.
Good looking-not necessarily but I prefer it.
Sarcastic/cynical-without being too much, I love it.
Cocky-hate it.
Arrogant/Won't listen-hate it.
Too jocky/no brain/can't talk about anything besides sports-forget it. hate it.
Sensitive-love it if it's not overboard.

That's exactly my type. Here's what I think it is:

A mix of Kevin from 27 Dresses, the main character's best guy friend in the book How to be Popular, and Ronnie from the old book The Popularity Plan.

Cynical, sarcastic, sensitive, confident without being egotistic or conceited, smart, and really funny. And if he's good lookin' like the 27 Dresses guy-even better :)

Auv Revior Diary,

-That Girl getting sleepy, I guess no shower today/night/morning...