The Prince and The Frog>Almost all other Disney Movies, Christmas, And that Bad kind of bad

Dear Diary, (okay well this post was actually from 2 days before Christmas-er maybe Christmas Eve? Definitely not "XMAS" whatever the "heck" people mean when they say that-but I never got a chance to finish, so I'll just finish it now and add some other new stuff that has happened.)

I've been feeling awfully confused lately.

Like really, really confused. Like batshit crazy confused.

You know that guy that I talked about before? I forgot what code name I gave him but he was the close guy friend I have who I went shopping with a month after school started and I first met him in the beginning of the year, and we're going bowling next week. I'll get to why we're bowling now. I have more PRESSING matters swirling around in my head right now.

So, you see. I had this picture of myself on Facebook with me and EXBFF from when we went shopping together on Monday after seeing The Princess and the Frog.

Straight up one of the best Disney movies ever! Like really, it totally trumps a bunch of them. No lie. And you know, whatever other slang words for "seriously" and "no, REALLY," btw I'm watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince right now and as I typed "no, REALLY," Harry said that. At the exact time, "no REALLY!" How odd is that? Btw #2, that close guy friend I have often refers me as "very odd" when I tease him about something or act weird in front of him. But strangely enough? I feel really comfortable being myself and crap around him. Why? I really don't know. I just...don't know. So. More about him.

Me and EXBFF took a picture of us trying on accessories and I posted it on Facebook (of course after a little editing on Picnik.com first to rid of the odd zit or two on either of our faces) and here comes the weird part, his comment? This is what it was:

Beautiful.

It was odd and weird and I literally went "aw" when I read it (quietly of course, and it was not for dramatic effect, I can tell you that. And so my reply was: :

Aww thank ya very much :)

And he replied

Nice picture. This is one of my favorite pictures of you.

And I said something about him liking it because I look batshit crazy in a bunch of other ones (yes, that's right I used the word batshit appropriately more than once than once today! Woot.) and his reply though? He said that he just liked my smile in that one. Well, woopdeedoo I kind of wanted to reply back, but at the same time, I wasn't sure what to respond to it. SO I just said thanks again and told him that he better be there at hangout day that he wanted to plan, although he-according to text messages-"passed the responsibility of planning" to me. Which means I had to plan where to meet, who to invite, and what we were gonna do.

Woopdeedoo x2.

But I still don't understand why he would tell me that I'm beautiful and...be so nice to me and stuff. Is he just trying to be a wannabe "playahplayah" and flirting with me? Or did he simply just sorta like my smile in that certain picture and it meant nothing? Or...(this is the worst case scenario) does he actually like me? By like, I mean the big LIKE like. Sometimes I wish that I went to an all-girls school. I mean sure, I've heard before that the school is full of sluts/skanks/hoes/different-abrasive-term-for-an-"easy"-girl but I don't think that it's all true. They can't all be misfits, and I'm not one myself. There would be less guy trouble, but at the same time, sometimes I like hangout out with guys a whole lot more than I like hanging out with girls. More fun, less pressure to break out in a catfight. So, okay maybe a nix on the all girls school thing, but I wish that guys would just SAY what was on their minds. I never understand them really.

The thing is-and this is the most shallow thing that I've ever thought/said-maybe if this guy was better looking, I'd like him more. His personality is...okay. 5/10 I'd say. Maybe a 4 or 4 and 1/2 though because he has a short temper and acts like a jerk sometimes, he shows his pervertness all the time, and has a lisp. Okay, the lisp is okay since it's not extreme or anything, but he's also not that great when it comes to vocabulary and stuff. Sure, I can talk to him about anything and be comfortable, but doesn't that mean I see him more as a friend than a potential boyfriend? After all, when you LIKE like somebody, you get the butterflies and all that junk, right? I have the opposite effect for this guy. And I'm not attracted to him at all. I mean, he dresses fine, but I don't like his hair and some of his shoe choices-though expensive-aren't that great. His Nikes sometimes come in weird styles like purple, black, and white because he likes purple, but those shoes remind me a 60's bowler trying to look hip. This erks me very much. But more about this later.

--------------

That was about it for that day's post ^

Now to the holly jolly Christmas post. Can I get an excess of "woot woot" just for Christmas?

--------------

So, my mom decided to unintentionally go ghetto for our immediate family this year (not counting the huge "butt" family gathering I had filled with all my aunts and uncles and cousins ranging from the ages of 23 to 31) as it got too late to get a Christmas tree this year and instead of a tree we ended taking some plastic red "Christmas themed" flowers and put them in an old Pringles container. I felt like crying and bawling and all other synonyms for sobbing my eyes out when I saw this horrible replacement for a tree. I felt so incredibly jealous of those other kids with real pine-scented Christmas trees, or even the kids with the small fake ones that looked real. All the trees decorated with ornaments. With lights. The houses with Santa and reindeer lighting up outside the houses. Now, I don't live in a poor neighborhood though, so don't get that idea in your head. My neighbors are all pretty wealthy with big "butt" trees and lights and decorations and oh "gosh," they had wreaths outside their doors that said "Merry Christmas and God Bless You this season" I always admired. "Heck," the fake ones made of purple foil I admired too this Christmas. But no. My mom had to buy a second house and have our spending funds cut in half because of that.

But hey, my whole mom's side of the family did have a bug bash with singing Christmas carols together by the tv with a fake fire (we love the tackiness of the fake fire and go and pretend to warm our hands by it sometime. We all have a good hoot at this.) and a game of White Elephant.

But. Did I ever mention that my parents are divorced? I hate having divorced parents more than I'm willing to admit. Ever. I always pretend like I don't care at all that my parents are divorced, but sometimes I feel like it really messes with my mind at times. I forgot where I heard this before, but I heard one time that girls who have divorced parents and don't see their fathers all the time-like they live with their mom and the dad is basically mia except one day a week (Saturday in my case)-they feel like all men in their life will leave them. I'm not sure if this is true, but I'm more on the negative side of this; as in, I think it's false. I know that not ALL men will leave me. Then again, my older brother moved out of my house and he was basically my fatherly influence 6 out of 7 days a week so I almost feel like my father figure deserted me twice in my life. It was heartbreaking when he moved out, but more so when he finally became one of those independent teenagers who want to hang with friends and date more than entertain their little sisters who just want to battle Barbie against Godzilla and make funny little James Bond homemade movies some more. But anyway.

I never see my dad on holidays because me and my brother (we still are very close as far as siblings go. he's more like a friend than a family member to me although he's in his 3rd year of college and lives with my dad) but I usually see him on the following Saturday. He didn't call this Saturday to pick me up. He didn't call all day. He never texted me or say anything until the night before when we called to leave a "Merry Christmas baby and I'll see you tomorrow, huh? All right, bye. Just called to say Merry Christmas." message in which I forgot to call back. And by "baby" he means like small-child baby, not "how YOU doin' baby?" kind of baby. That would be very awkward. But he hasn't called me baby in a while and says every once in a while that I'm a teenager now and I know what I want, so what do I want to eat/do/see today?

I am kind of sad that he didn't call, but at the same time, I mostly feel numb about it. It's almost the norm to just not see him for another day. Inside me heart, yeah I'm kind of mad. But hey, I'm okay right now.

Overall? My Christmas was half really awesome and half full of major suckage.

Go figure.

--------------

And now for the the hangout day with the guy mentioned above, I'm just going to call him Barney because he loves the color purple, and my friend I'll call SweetTart because she is very small and cute looking and sweet at first, but also a little crazy at times and we say that she's high but we really mean she gets a SUGAR high when she has candy or sweets. Note that ST has broken Barney's heart before when he asked her out but she rejected him. We all have Drama class together, so H-e-l-l(-o) awkwardness for a week. Now they're cool with one another.

I don't understand people. Then again, I rejected one super geeky guy this year-who won't stop trying to add me on Facebook and that freaks me out a little so I refuse to add him as a friend- and a stalker I had. No I don't mean seriously stalking me! Well, kinda. Like, high school clinginess and following around school and popping up randomly to chat and randomly finding him on the bus I take and him trying to make me hug him back with his hug in the halls at school. But hey, he's long gone now. Buh-bye stalker.

The hangout with me, Barney, and SweetTart was today btw. And Btw #2, EXBFF was gonna come with us today but as we waited for the bus to go to the bowling place, she had what she called a terrible headache including the undeniable urge to hurl. "Headache+Hurling=Bad for Bowling" is what we figured.

--------------

Basically, the day was a drag. I was an hour late meeting B and ST and naturally they weren't all that happy but I think that they just wanted to see me more than each other. That's what it seemed like anyway. But I don't want to get all conceited all up in my head so I'll pretend that they all wanted to see everyone equally. Something else weird happened with Barney today. I just can't put my finger on why it surprised me so much though...this whole high school thing is a trip. In some ways I've flipped a whole 180 from last year. Or 360? 380? A lot different in a whole bunch of ways is what I'm trying to say.

So. Me and B and ST meet up at the park/bowling/ice skating center and the two of them decide that they suck at bowling and don't want to bowl anymore. So we walk back to the mall-which I just took the bus from!-and grab some food. We walk a full circle in the food court and end up at some kind of hamburger and french fry place. I'm waiting for Barney to finish ordering, but he calls me and ST over and asks what we want. I'm kind of confused since it's not my time to order yet, but I end up saying that I want a small thing of french fries with nacho sauce and bacon bits while he takes out a 20 dollar bill.

I still don't know why I'm so skinny when I eat so much. In my heart I'm a fatty, but since the weight isn't piling up on me yet, I'm going to have to eat overtime. I'm trying to gain a few extra pounds, I'm too skinny!

I'm shocked. "NO, wait I can pay for myself!" I tell him. But he says that he wants to and I let him. I don't like people paying for me though. I feel like I'm indebted to them and it's not a good feeling.

This summer? That cool guy friend that's in the teen leadership program with me would always share his food with me and pay for me when we went places. He's pretty good looking, funny, and incredibly generous. Not always an angel (I don't like guys that nice anyway!) but definitely not a bully either. He goes to school with almost all the other kids in the program. I almost wish I went to that high school. Really. I love all those people and I want to see this guy more. Why do guys always wanna pay for me though? I have money! I did like this summer guy for a little while actually. Well...maybe I liked him as a really good friend, but for some reason I never felt in me that I REALLY had a crush on him. He seems so perfectly imperfect in all the right spots though. Everything I look for in a guy. Seriously.

While waiting for our order (ST is sitting at the table we picked out and she's texting while me and B are waiting at the counter for our food) me and B start talking. One reason I like talking to him is because I feel like he's really listening, or at least, that he won't pass judgments on me because so far he hasn't. I started talking about how I'm so busy with going out my house and doing things all the time, like with the teen leadership program working with preschoolers and stuff, and a couple friends I'm hanging out with.

Then he looks straight at me with his honey colored eyes and says almost like he's just discovered something that he's a little envious of, "You're popular, huh?" He's half smiling and half wincing as he says this. I can tell by the look on his face.

I really did not expect to be asked this. At all.

To prevent any awkwardness or talk of popularity, I said quickly with a smile on my face like I didn't think of it at all, "Nah, I'm just busy." I couldn't quite look at him when I said that. Actually, I think I looked down. It was embarrassing. Though I think that I saw a look on his face that resembled a knowing smile with a little wince in it. A smile that I interpreted on his part as That's exactly what a popular girl would say. I know you're playing coy with me. You know that you're popular, I know that you're just trying to save face and not hurt me in some way. You're just trying to be nice. We both know it. Then I said something about the food taking a long time. I desperately needed to change the subject. The rest of the day he wasn't quite as nice to me. Not mean in any way, but I almost felt like he was avoiding me a tiny bit. He looked at me a bunch of times, but didn't say anything.

Popular? I think the thought was swarming through both our minds for a while.

I'm confused think about it now. Did I really become one of the really popular kids in high school? No way. Right? I was semi-popular in middle school. Kind of where Barney is now.

I get some feeling...that he doesn't like me as much anymore..like he's intimidated by me almost. I feel like he thinks of me differently now. At the mall I was kind of bored because there isn't much to do but shop in a mall and so I started texting people. I said I was bored at one point and said it out loud and I can't believe what he told me. He said, "You're boring, that's why," a little meanly and he looked at me hard with his honey colored eyes. I think he wanted to be mean to me after he thought that he "discovered" that I'm actually pretty social. After he said that, I told him that I wasn't boring, but simply bored. SweetTart agreed with me and I told her we should skip around the mall together and we did. How's that for boring? I thought. Then he said, "very odd," like he usually does when I do something spontaneous and slightly spastic like skipping around the mall wearing my fuzzy suede boots my mom let me buy yesterday. I told him "yes you are."

When we eventually grew tired of the mall and went back to the park recreation place with the bowling alley and ice skating rink, and we went on the play structures that were around there. We played monkey in the middle (unintentionally of course. Spontaneity is a great trait I think, and essential in what I look for in a guy. sadly enough, it's hard to find a guy willing to be spontaneous with you) with Barney's hat and then he wanted to play catch with my wallet. He got it dirty with dirt and grass stains though. I'm kind of mad about that. Okay, really irritated.

The park was about the highlight of the day, although it wasn't mad fun or anything.

I felt like he had something against me after eating lunch at the mall, now that I think about it. I'm not even that popular though. That's all I can think now.

First he compliments me, pays for me, hugs me, talks to me all the time. Then, he tries to avoid me, insults me, stares at me. I don't understand.

When we're at the park near the end of the day, me and ST lay on the rubber floor of the outside playground and stare into the sky, staring at clouds. We found a butterfly, car, firetruck, lots of stuff. Barney, however, sat next to ST and kept staring at me.

Also...I know all guys are perverted and stuff, but I saw B trying to test his luck with me and ST today even though I don't think ST noticed it. I have an older bro, so I get it dude. That's where I get my chill guy side that doesn't gossip about girls, wears beanies, and sits with her legs open on accident all the time.

How'd I know what he was doing? Well.

o I saw him put his hand on ST's upper leg gently and talk to me at the same time and I saw him look at his hand real quick and smile a little to himself. I felt like Oh gosh...what's he trying to pull?

o He always tries to playfully tickle me, but I saw his jabbing at me in not-so-appropriate spots today. Like:

- The side of my boob. OBVIOUSLY, that's not cool to do and not a tickling spot for friends.

- Also, the inside of my upper thigh. I literally had to giggle because of how insanely ticklish I am, but then I pushed him to the side.

I mean, what? I get some eerie feeling that he thinks now that I'm some slutty/easy/whoreish popular chick, and I'm not that at all. When I walked to the bus stop, I walked really slowly and thought about everything for a while. Just took it all in. It really upset me that he assumed I was popular, but I don't know why still. I think it was because he started to treat me different? Or maybe that's just my mind playing tricks on me...I feel bad. Not the guilty kind, not the naughty kind, and not the let's-go-rob-a-bank-kind of bad. The kind where you want to take a long bubble bath, eat a carton of Ben&Jerry's, then watch romantic movies where the girl either falls for the guy or gets heartbroken (sometimes both). 1/3 ain't bad. My bubble bath was nice. I used a bath bomb and now I feel moisturized. YAY. NOW I'M HAPPY.

Anyway. That's been my life in a nushell. Boy...I got some problems right now.

I'll keep you updated like a geek and his addiction to Twittering every time he does something he classifies as cool.

-That Girl, "OH-MY-GOD-WHAT'S-WRONG-WITH- MY-LIFE"ing.

Oh wait, I forgot to put my usual stuff. The Song of the day and mood and stuff.

Here it is...

Song(s) of the Day: The Veronicas' and Weezer's stuff. They're my latest music obsession. But also, FUN. sings Walking the Dog and I really like it. Youtube it, FUN. is the shizz this year when it comes to pop to my current knowledge. And yes, I have been updating my music knowledge today by listening to a bunch of cool underground stuff. The Veronica's are sickkk man, check out 4ver, it's been one of my favorite songs for a while but I never knew who sang it! And Weezer's music video called Troublemaker is appealing to my tastes right now. Adding in a little Top 40's while I'm at it, I'll add Someday by Rob Thomas. Owl City's The Bird and the Worm has been my fave for a while too. Lotta underground, pop/indie rock/punk rock stuff. Ironic yet cheerful. Yeah, that's cool.

OH, and Fifteen by Taylor Swift because I've been listening to that one since it first came out and now other people are starting to dig it too I guess.

Quote(s) of the Day:

If I stand here, I can see the Little Red Haired girl when she comes out of her house... Of course, if she sees me peeking around this tree, she'll think I'm the dumbest person in the world... But if I don't peek around the tree, I'll never see her... Which means I probably AM the dumbest person in the world... which explains why I'm standing in a batch of poison oak.

by Charlie Brown of course.

Mood(s): Bad. Just Bad. But I'm feeling a little happy dishing on my blog about my totally screwy life "ironic smiley face"

Bridezilla-in' out

Don't you just love the movie Bride Wars? I personally really liked the movie and yes maybe I partially just liked it because Anne Hathaway is in it. I so feel like an angry bride right now. It's that feeling where the things you planned just can't seem to go right. I've been so clumsy these last 2 weeks. In fact, I label this week:

Week of the Clutz 2: defective teenage grace, known as clumsiness, strikes back.

Dun dun da dun dun dun.

Btw, I'm so glad that clutz actually ends with a z and that I'm not making it up. I absolutely hate it when people at a "z" to their words for no apparent reason.

Example: lolz.

What I want to say in return: "lolz"? PLEASE, I beg of you to stop laughing out loud-zuh and pick up a dictionary instead. Laugh at all the new WORDZ you'll discover that you've never learned before.

Quote(s) of the Day: "We'll take a long walk between the corn field...and I'll kiss you between the ears..." -Owl City, The Bird and the Worm.

"And what's this supposed to mean?" -Freckles says in our gift exchange of Secret Santa [can I get a "woot woot" for Santa Clause please?] when he discovers that his SS had given him a bran flakes cereal box with a small pink stuffed animal, jamba juice card, and old card. Oh, how glad are us girls that we didn't get him as our SS.

Song(s) of the Day: Some sorta mixin's (HAH, ever see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie? I'm personally in love with it. Bailey and Tibby made some really great laughs together. I loved their interviews. Note to self: get copy of second movie to obssess about) of Girls Don't like Boys by Good Charlotte and Wedding Dress by Taeyang. Add in a scoop of Hot Mess and Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship, who are my latest music obsession at the moment. Well, Cobra Starship and Owl City. And you know, Katy Perry's Starstrukk and Colbie Colliat's Falling for you with her music video too.

Mood(s): Listless and droning. I'm not sure what droning means, but heck. I'm sure droning means what it sounds like. Not that great.

Dear Diary, ((11:15 PM. Whoa/Damn/Oh No, is it really all that late?))

So sorry I haven't written anything in such a long time, but my laptop broke for about two weeks! My big bro fixed it by knocking it around on the floor a few times though, so we're all good.

So...remember the good guy friend I went shopping with in the beginning of the year? Our relationship...is what he would call "very odd." He would say that because that's what he calls me a good amount of the time. It's kind of like...he flirts with so many girls, but sometimes I feel like he really likes me. Sometimes not. He's definitely not a "playah" gettin' some every every weekend, but he's not a loser either. It's like, he flirts but girls don't like him...and you would have to add me to that list of girls who don't like him like that. Plus, I hate to say it, but he's not exactly the best looking guy in a room. He has a lisp like Donald Duck (Donald has a lisp, right?) and a head shaped like an egg. His forehead just looks big for some reason and it makes his hair line almost look receding. You can see why he's not exactly a hottie of the school or anything like that. I mean, yes he's my good friend but this is my blog and I can rant and blog and bitch all I want, huh?

OH I can't type anymore. I'm watching the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 online and the sad part is coming on.

Sayanora...

-That Girl, hmm/gahh/ohh/sigh.

Friends and bee'sitch.

Dear Diary ((8:44 PM)) ^listen to The Bird and the Worm and Hot Air Balloon by Owl City, he's great and I'm hooked like phonics!

I randomly feel upset.

So, there's a flaw in my life right now and it's half EXBFF's fault. And you know why? I've thought about this for a while and I finally found a way to connect the dots between everything.

Alright, so I said that my friend's friend who is a guy possibly liked me right? I don't think so anymore. Sometimes I see him around lunch or after school but I never really talk to him, more then a simple head nod and/or a simple "Hi," or "Hey, __."

But that's only part of the reason I'm feeling upset I think.

So, remember Mindy from a while ago? Well, we were super close at first, but then I started hanging with EXBFF a little more and lately (before today) most of my time has been going to her. The local drink place (Quickly's) is a local hangout after school and this is a awkward place for me. It's like...I have two of my different cliques hanging out in the same place. I'm with EXBFF because I feel bad when I'm hanging out with other more "cool" people around her, but not hanging with just her. It took me a while to figure out why I felt this way, but I realized why. Back in both 4th and 6th grade a couple of cooler girls would ask me to hang out with them and I would...I would hang out with them more and more but EXBFF wouldn't join me even when I asked. But then almost all my time would go to the cool girls and she became a depressed loner. It fills me with guilt, but I know that it's a part of life...but at the same time I feel like a bitch when I don't hang out with her now. Like history is repeating itself right now and I seriously need to make a decision on who I want to hang out with the next 4 years. After choosing to hang out more with EXBFF back in elementary school, I regretted my decision years later when the girls that I could have stuck with became very close and I missed out on all of it. They know who I picked and I can't change that. But now I have to re-choose and it's like I can fix my past almost.

But then again, I'm not doing too bad right now, so does that mean I made a good choice? Someone HELP me! I'm so confused and awkward feeling right now.

So now the bee'sitch part of my post today.

I've slowly become a bee'sitch. (BITCH if you don't get it).

I think that I've actually been taking tactics that some of my semi-bully semi-friends have used on me and they made me feel like a shit.

And I guess that to protect myself now, I do what people did to me so that now I know who's in control. I am. And people know that I'm one of those cool bee'sitches who doesn't take shit from others, but at the same time, won't be mean if you don't cross her. I'm the girl I wanted to be in middle school. But now I feel kind of bad for being what I am. The guilt builds up...and I can imagine these people going straight home after school and thinking. Like I used to. Just think about insults that they get.

For example, BigFatHen (the girl who made me feels SO SO SO bad in middle school...) would make my friend PrincessGiggles laugh by telling people in my class that they were "STUPID" in a disgusted way and with a deep voice. I felt like shit and felt like crying when I got home. I knew she was joking, but I continually felt stung from little things like this. And now I do it. I do the exact same "STUPID" thing that she did and it makes me feel powerful and cool. Like I'm at her level now, at my school.

So this week me and EXBFF have decided we will be really nice this week..tell you how that turns out.

See ya later?

-That Girl, what is the verdict?

Epiphanies, or whatever huplah, of guys and cliques

Dear Diary, ((12:30 AM, well that's when I ended. I did this in opposite today if you get that)

Just yesterday and today I have been making some random, but of course, newfound epiphanies or whatever you call it. Huckaabloos, craniums, whatever. I just need to get a couple words out in edgewise.

So, I have decided something. That guy I've been dreaming of finding? You know, like that one from 27 Dresses who is really good looking, exceedingly funny, and has a great sense of sarcasm and everything else I look for in a guy? Or like...no wait, that's just about what I'm looking for. Oh, no wait actually the other day I saw a really cool movie call Blind Dating which has a horrible cover on the DVD (I saw this on the internet, not in RL, okay?) which makes it look like another raunchy teen movie when the main character is just some really nice guy wanting nothing more in life than "getting some ass!", well the actual movie is really good. Okay, maybe not all that inspirational, but it's cute and I think that the idea is really nice. That guy is pretty cool too. Combine the Blind Dating guy with the 27 Dresses guy and you've got my dream guy, but I have kind of realized that there's no guy out there like that. Or rather, not for me.

I've realized that I only look for a couple things when actually seeing a guy: that I'm comfortable being myself with him, that he's not a "playah-playa," that he is genuinely funny, that he is average-to-good looking, and that he seems to like me back.

Whenever I find out that a guy likes another girl, or if it seems that he's got a bunch of bimbos lined up to leave him an "LOL aww thanks but-" whatever kind of message, I ditch. The last thing I need is to have my heart broken.

But something else I've learned? I'm a whole lot happier when I'm liking a guy. It's like as if I have something to to look forward to, or rather, SOMEONE to look forward too. Sometimes there's a nice and decently funny guy who comes along and seems to peek interest in me, but I just don't like him. I tell myself that maybe I'm syking (spelling?) myself out because he's so great and secretly I like to think that I DO like him, but in the end I know that it was false hope that I liked the dude. I never did. But it would probably work out if I did like him!

There's something else that's been on my mind and bothering me a whole lot...it's the popularity and mostly the clique thing again. But it's different now.

It's like the other group feels put-off that I hang out with social nobodies instead of them sometimes after school. One day at the local smoothie/asian drink cafe place/hangout, I was sitting with ExBestFriendForever, and the other group that I'm part of (the cool people) walked in and sat near us. They all said "Hi That Girl" to me questioningly and I think that they all thought that *I* thought that they weren't good enough for me and so I settled for less. I'm really confused about how to split my time between the two. This happens EVERY time I'm at a school with EXBFF and it's starting to really frustrate me. It's one reason I didn't want to go to school with her again, it's just so painful. I don't want to ditch her all together and make it awkward for us, and I know that that group would be hurt that I chose not to hang out with them, but I think that the other group feels that I don't hang out and choose them ENOUGH of the time to make me a whole and official member of the clique. I really don't want to lose any of them, but when I don't choose then both cliques get mad at me and make me choose. It's so easy to choose EXBFF because I know that she'll always be there for me, but at the same time, who says that I don't want to be part of other experiences and be with these people?

People say that the clique you choose shows how you think of yourself.

Do I think of myself as a Weird but Funny as hell Social Nobody, or, Your regular Cool and quirky High School Girl?

And if I ditch one then will I become the Traitor like once before when I chose EXBFF over the cool girls and guys? I now regret choosing her now that I saw what I missed out on at my last school. All the experiences and fun. More friends and parties.

But no, I chose her and this is how my life turned out.

Time to sleep, eh mate?

-That Girl, spinning with confusion.

Btw, I'm thinking of getting my bangs ad hair cut like this...what do you think?

I mean, I want to keep the rest of my hair long except my bangs though. Just layer my long hair and side-sweep my bangs? Hmm...oh man too many ideas going through my head! I'll just sleep on it. See ya Suckas!

On a scale of one to ten...

Dear Diary (( 2:46 PM on a Tuesday afternoon. ))

Today I have decided to make this post a bunch of 1-10 scales instead of doing my regular paragraphin'. Why, you may ask? Well, I'm just tired of the same 'ol same 'ol and I need CHANGE. I'm craving change today and what better way to show it then make change? So here we go...

Oh btw, the song of the day is Lady Killer by Kreesha Turner. Check it out.

How big of a geek magnet am I?

8 and 3/4th

How freaked/stressed out am I most of the time?

A LOT. Like out of 10 times, 8 times is when I am.

AHH . Okay, well I was gonna list on a bunch of stuff today, but I'm having a sudden urge to not. I just can't think of stuff to rate because I'm also watching WIFE SWAP right now and so I have all these different things swimming through my head. Here's just some stuff that's happening lately:

-I didn't go to school yesterday or today because I have a small cold and I'm just

really tired for some reason. Also, I'm just not in the mood to socialize. Something that I've learned? I socialize with people very easily and I can totally be anyone's best friend when I put my best foot forward. But I literally get too lazy to socialize with people and I'm just content enough with what I have now.

-Some guy whose my friend's friend likes me, I think. He keeps looking at me when a group of us talk and when he's around his friend while they walk to me, my friend will say something like, "she doesn't even know you though!" quietly and he'll say, "but that doesn't matter." and some other stuff and sometimes she'll push him a little bit towards me. I haven't been verified if he likes me or not, but I can take a hint, you know?

-The really funny guy who hung out with my EBFF group stopped hanging out with us. I think he made other-more NORMAL-friends who are guys and not girls like the majority of most of our group which contains 3 freshman girls and 2 sophomore guys plus that one guy who left. He was a cool part of our group and it's sad that he left.

Gotta go SECRET SANTA shopping with EXBFF, talk to ya more later Diary. Thanks for listening dude.

-That Girl, where'd the humor go?

Two words. one thought: So confused!

Quote of the day: Uh, you know that one from Juno about finding that one peron who will love you no matter how you're feeling and looking that day? I would look it up but I'm suffering from something terrible that I call "LazyBoredomidous."

Mood(s) of the Day: Confused...just trying to get some things straight in my flippin' confused 14 1/2 (Yes, 14 1/2, I'm embracing my inner 5 year old "Mommy I'm actually five and a HALF years old so lemme get at that sugar filled-teeth rotting-too sweet for comfort-cake.") mind.

Song(s) of the day: Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz (it pretty much makes me feel like a load of shizz for rejecting all those geeks who came on to me this year) and Somebody like you by Keith Urban because I found it on Pandora Radio-check it out by the way yo it's seriously pretty cool. Pandora.com-and it sounded pretty decent to me. Oh and Life is a highway by whoever the hell sings that song.

Dear Diary, ((4:55 PM on Saturday and thank god(?) that I have nothing to do today. I keep getting invited to do all these things..."That Girl come do health homework with me," "That Girl wanna go to the movies?" "That Girl let's go shopping downtown..." and I'm EFFING tired of it all! I mean, right now I'd say that I'm pretty decently popular but is it worth all the work? All the time away from myself?))

So, to continue what I was saying above ^ I'm pretty confused. I'm not sure that I like being so popular all of a sudden. I have no time for myself these days and I'm constantly reminded that I have to worry about my reputaion at school, or rather, my social standing. If I reject these people will I miss out on something good? And what if these so called "popular" people are insanely boring?

Diary, if you're wondering why I haven't been able to post anything good lately, I'll tell ya. My laptop at home is working fine...except that I sorta broke the power cord that charges it. I kind of dropped my laptop off my lap and I guess that the impact on the cord made the cord bend in an unruly way and now I have no internet to use at home nor a laptop at all...smart huh? Gee I might as well submit my Yale application now...they'll ask me why I applied and I'll write down "Well, I had to stop using my laptop at home cuz I was being a freakin' smartie and bent the cord out of shape. How? Well that's the magic of it. I'm just that clumsy."
But at the chance of my busting out in sobs (no not really) I'll move onto another subject.

So, I went by Halloween without saying anything and I went to the movies and downtown with the so-called "popular" people and even went on a kayaking trip with those people that I worked with this summer. What should I start with?

How about the movie and downtown shopping trip (and the other shopping trip with yet another "popular" girl who sadly reminds me of MissStuckey from my K-8 school).

So, it was me and about 5 other girls with a guy who I think I called Marly? Yeah I had a very short-lived crush on him in the beginning of the year. So, we were going to see Paranormal Activity and sneak in since it's rated R, but we ended up up seeing something like I, Robot.

Oh DAMN my mom is here at my dad's hosue to pick me up. Finish this up later!

-That Girl, with much love and twirled with confusion

I'm still, I'm still, I'm still Geek Magnet from the block & Why can't I...?

"Yeah, I get a feeling that he just decided to apply for a job at Hooters since he's a girl today anyway." Me to the other girls from my part-time job.

CGF

(Remember him? He's the guy who was insanely nice to me, really cool, and kind of cute this summer. I saw him today and we went trick-or-treating with the other people I work with. He was cold and borrowed my friend's sister's jacket that made him look girlish so he decided to just be a girl for Halloween. Btw...I might like him...ANYWAY...more deets in a sec.)

The 3 guys thought that the pretty Hooters girl said to go grab the candy in the back, when really she said that there was no candy, so us girls left and realized that the guys didn't come out for a little while. They ran out and said that they went to go get the candy but couldn't find it, this is just so funny to me that I really must just LOL LOL LOL all over the place and add a :) because he's so nice and funny and easy to talk to...and god I think I might really like him, but I thought that I liked my other friend that I'll call Freckles because he's really cute and even though he doesn't have freckles, he reminds me of freckles.

Who do I like? I just don't get me...deep sigh.

Dear Diary, ((1:12 AM, whoa WHAT? Dude, it got late! Okay, well I'm going to say Happy Halloween right now even though technically, yes, it's November 1st in actuality. I'm so stressed. Two main things to get from my post today: I flirt with guys easily and attract geeks like bugs to flames. Also, I flirt with guys but when it comes to admitting that I have a crush on someone I chicken out. Therefore, no guys for me. But...I really think that I might like CGF from work. He's really nice and funny, but that doesn't mean that he couldn't go and reject me if he ever found out. It almost seems like he likes me, but I could never take the risks, my friends all come to me of all people for advice on their guy troubles, but hello I'm the one without a boyfriend right now and I just get freaked out when I hear how guys hurt and reject some of them because I feel like all the horrible things that could happen, will happen. How very depressing. My life sucks, huh?))

Okay, I basically explained my main stress right up there ^ but my second stress? I'm a geek magnet! I got one geeky and clingy "stalker" who asked out 87 girls last year according to my source which is my friend "Veronica" who went to school with him last year and her other middle school years. Also, this insanely geeky guy asked me to "hang with him sometime" and I asked EXBFF about this and she agreed that he was asking me out to date him. I told Veronica about this and she did a shivery type thing and agreed that he was plain hideous.

I think that I might like Freckles, but I'm not sure. His personality is nice, he's averagely okay and I hang out with him a lot. He doesn't really date that much and he's pretty okay looking. The only thing-which might not seem like such a big deal to some people, but it is for me-is that he's not genuinely funny to me. I mean, sometimes he is kind of funny, but usually I almost force out a laugh and ask questions to see where the punch line went without being obvious. I mean, he's just bad at telling stories to be totally truthful. I laugh at his stories that he thinks are funny usually because the actual story is funny but the way he presents it makes it sound bad, where as I do the opposite where I make totally uninteresting stories interesting with adjectives and slight exaggerations and good facial expressions and all that good stuff. Not that I'm bragging though, I mean I obviously do have problems...far too many problems actually...deep sigh again.

See, CoolGuyFriend (CGF) tells me good stories that make me laugh and tell me really funny jokes, inside jokes, and stories, and facts and all sorts of things. I think that he's also slightly better looking and more interesting, but I see him only once or twice a month, so what's the point? He always touches my shoulder and arm and pays for me and talks to me really sweetly and I can totally imagine going out with him, but I just don't know. I don't think that I could take being rejected even though I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't reject me if by the one in 90 billion chance that I suddenly got a sudden burst of courage and decided to ask him out. Maybe if I get drunk someday when we're at a party together I would tell him, but then I'd probably say a little too much and end up puking on his Vans right after getting the big news off me chest. Just shove that last idea back down, I won't ever be doing that.

Wait, let's talk music for a sec.

Oh god, right now I'm listening to Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz and it makes me feel bad. I love this song because I'd love to tell a guy this and convince them that I'm the girl for him (you know, if I was a geek in the first place) by sneaking a mix tape in their locker some day and he gives me a hug and kisses me on the lips in the middle of the hallway randomly and then he says "You were never a geek in pink, but you were always the girl for me." But I can imagine an ugly guy in high school who suddenly gets really famous and attractive after school ends and how girls were so mean to him that it caused him to write entertaining songs about their pain and then it's too late to apologize.

I prefer Smile by Uncle Kracker which makes me feel really good and heartwarming. Every time I have a crush on someone I feel this way about them, although a little less um, everything in the song. Not quite as extreme, but something like that. This song reminds me of the county fair and how I'd love to go with a boyfriend like CGF and eat cotton candy together and smash ice cream or cake in the other person's face and go on the ferris wheel together. It sounds like I really like CGF, huh? I wish I knew, but words only go so far and then comes everything else in your head, huh?

Well, I wanna go to sleep before 2 AM (YIKES!) so I'll say some more another day. Sorry I haven't been able to blog much lately, but I have so much going on that it's hard to put it all into words. My problem used to be the opposite, I'd be able to say everything I do and post it up, but have too much time on my hands and now I have the exact opposite.

Happy Halloween, watch out Dracula tonight ;) !

-That Girl, on the prowl and confused like peanut butter without his beloved jelly, what goes where and how?

IN and OUT part dos

Dear Diary, ((11:30 PM on Tuesday night. Wait, it's 11:30 already?))

I've decided to make another "In and Out" list because it's basically the simplest way for me to get my words out. Note that if I say something "isn't in," I mean that in my personal opinion, I'm sure that other people think far differently from what I think.

Here is...

In and Out.. Part Dos

In: Out:

Slight immaturity, Being Boring, Funny guys Never talking in class, Good grades, Most people in the said "Cool Crowd," Passing notes, Being in the cool crowd, Individuality, Posers, Fake Asian accents, Too many bright colors to be worn at one time, players-also said PLAYAHS!, Not fitting in, Not having a boyfriend, Having countless losers ask you out in one year-I call it being a Loser Magnet, Reading, Blogging, Asking boys random questions, running the mile with cramps, headaches, sluts, class flirts, lace tops, flat suede boots, simple flip-flops, Partying too hard, Drunks, Drug Addicts, Boys admitting to me that they are either very perverted or get wasted/do drugs on weekends-So very lame, Having pure unadulterated fun, not judging others on first impressions, second chances, vintage, shirts too tight on some girls who have big bellies.

That's it for now, ttyl I gotta get some sleep!

-That Girl, staggering and tired.

"Imma cut you up so bad that scrambled eggs will take one look at you and say, 'DAYUM!'"

Mood: Crampy. Irregular. Moody. Frustrated because my spell-checker keeps telling me that "Crampy" is not a word. Pshh you know that the creater of this Google Chrome spell-check was a guy. A girl would so be more considerate to add the word "crampy" to describe a person's mood as an adjective. Grr don't mess with me, I will snap at you like a snapping turtle at a zoo with an annoying little rugrat waving a lollipop in front of my snappingly snapping mouth. And don't dare tell me how random that was or how very moody I am, I'll run at you like a cheetah at...

Song(s) of the Day: Weightless by All Time Low and Fruit Machine by The Ting Tings

Quote(s) of the Day: Small banter from the musical that I really wanted to see, it's called Wicked-

[Alvy fantasizes being in love with the Wicked Queen from Snow White]
Wicked Queen: We never have any fun any more.
Alvy Singer: How can you say that?
Wicked Queen: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself.
Alvy Singer: You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Wicked Queen: I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character.

Dear Diary, ((10:28 on Thursday night. Homecoming tomorrow. Am I going to homecoming? Did someone ask me? Maybe and no. Although an extremely geeky boy asked me out yesterday and I've been feeling depressed since then. Is that really all I can snag besides that stalker I have too? God, life is so unfair sometimes! The theme of our homecoming is RETRO. Um, woo-hoo, rah rah? No, sorry folks but since I quit the cheer squad I must say that I don't believe in fake rah rah anymore. My rahing days are over in my personal opinion. So, no date and lame theme. Am I going, I ask again? I have no idea. Should I? Just for the experience? I miss the people at my K-8 school so much right now. At least I could dance with them before! Now that I'm in the said "cool" crowd, everyone is boringly cool and just...not interesting. At least the "cool" crowd before was fun and loving and encouraging and...they were good dancers at least! I don't know about my new friends though.))

^ Oh tomorrow is also my friend FunnyChillGuy's (FCG's) 14th birthday! Originally we were going to have a bonfire tomorrow night...then we were going to go to a cool karaoke place for teens...then we cancelled that because he has some kind of mandatory study hall until 4:30 tomorrow and we just gave up on a party for him. And his present. He said that he liked Frosted Flakes and so me, EBFF and my new friend who's EBF's friend, bought FCG some Frosted Flakes for his birthday; it was only natural for us to haul ass over to the local Safeway to buy him that and wrap it up in some newspaper at my house later. We drew happy faces all over it and I found some red gift bag to stuff it in. Oh, and we also bought him a Winnie-the-Pooh balloon at Safeway while we were there since it was only 2.99 anyway. Note that I only have a quarter in my pocket left (excluding the 300 bucks I have left from working this summer!) and the Winnie-the-Pooh balloon

was a balloon of Pooh wearing a bat costume. I insisted that we should have written "Happy birthday! I hope you fly like Pooh this year!" Get it? POOH has a double meaning when you don't read to spelling of the word, but just how the word sounds when you say it. It's a pun and I found it HI-LAR-IOUS!

But they wouldn't let me put it on there, so there goes that, right?

The other day I was having a just-for-fun smack talk banter via texts with LightBright and he kept threatening to spank me (this eventually came to how dirty with both were. Me: not very. or at least I won't say it! LB: Hellaaaa.) while I threatened to cut him FASHO. ( Oh, but FASHO is in the word-check dictionary?? What's wrong with the world?)

Best fake smack-talk responses to use:

"Imma cut you up so much that scrambled eggs will look a you and say 'DAYUM!'"

"Me>You"

"Okay fine; rock, paper, scissor! I WIN."

POS-PARENT OVER SHOULDER! GOTTA JET!

LOVE you!

-That Girl, Grring out of my freakin' mind!

Ughs and Ergs with the occasional Arg.

Dear Diary ((7:08 PM Monday night. No school today, thank you Christopher Columbus! Actually... Christopher Columbus-believe it!-was not a very good dude. After all, he killed Indians who were here already and was so greedy that he just "had" to claim the land and brand it "America." Whoopeedoo, right? But the way I see it, at least I get the day off. I'll think of the day off as a day of honoring the people who actually claimed the land back then, as in not Christopher Columbus!))

Today I was feeling really bad.

Like, on the bus on the way home from downtown with my new friends? I felt like sobbing, but I'm not really sure why. Sometimes...Sometimes I just feel like I can't do anything right. I say all the wrong things and do everything at the wrong time.

This morning, the first thing I said to myself (yes I do talk to myself at times as a matter of fact) was "Shit I have such bad cramps." Then I said "I have horrible cramps, and I feel sick, and I feel ugly today." Then I got off my bed and took a shower and had horrible cramps and felt bloaty as I put on my jeans.

I went downtown with my new high school friends today and-gasp-I didn't exactly have a blast. Turns out that the "cool" kids in high school are mostly just remotely gossipy and kind of boring. All they do is talk and smack talk and talk about gossip and gossip about people and gossip about gossip. Unhappily (I would say "sadly" but that would be too...it wouldn't be the right word.) LightBright didn't go because he went with some girl to hang out with. I'm not jealous and I definitely don't like him, but I ... I don't know, I just like time with him because he's just one of those people where I can be myself with without any...without anything holding me back, you know?

I would say more about today but I'm feeling awfully crampy again.

And mood too, though my manicure stopped me from falling apart into pieces today. The problem was that after the manicure, on the way home, I stopped to get a thing of junk food to eat in bed while I moped around and I thought that chips would be better because it was cold today, but when I got home I had a sudden craving for the ice cream sandwich that I didn't buy, but was about to. Doesn't that just suck ass? I hate that expression. It puts a bad picture into my mind-ew.

See ya later alligator!

And in a while crocodile -That Girl, craving and crampy :(

So much to say and do, but so little time.

Dear Diary, ((9:16 PM and I'm so incredibly mixed and mashed up right now! Friday night and 3 day weekend. Can I get a "Woo Hoo!"?

SO freaking much has happened since I last blogged. It seems like I always have an invitation to do something these days...go to a game...visit a school or another one...go to homecoming with friends...throw a surprise birthday party for another...

Oh, what's a girl to do? I never could quite find something to do after school before, and I'm just not used to this all. Why is it that people like me all of a sudden?

At my K-8 school I would flaunt my money at times, try to fit in. Now, I always forget to being some cash for lunch and I act like my weirdo self, but people don't seem to care? I DON'T GET PEOPLE!

Here's the GOOD that's happened lately:

o I got my "stalker" to leave me alone because me, "Winona" and "Carson" (all girls whose names I changed) pretend to have boyfriends so that the stalker will leave is alone.

o My and this guy "Boe" in bio always have a lot of fun messing with each other. One day I tried to stuff 5 textbooks in his backpack when he turned around. He stole the teacher's banana and wrote "Hi" on it with a white out stick cuz the teacher took his iPod one day because my "stalker" told on him. Freakin' "stalker" is an idiot!

o I've made lots of new friends and always get invites to do stuff.

o I know a lot of guys and I really like talking to them. In algebra honors I have this guy I'll StereotypicalFootball (SF) and we always argue about something but in a kidding way, in the past 3 days we have argued about Hell, vomit, burn scars, cheerleading, and books about the circus. Just your average guy stuff, although I'm no guy!

o Me and Winona have become good friends. Today she told me and SF a joke. Wanna hear it? Why of course you do!

Q: Why did Mickey decide to break up with Minnie?

A: Mickey said that Minnie was fucking goofy!

As dumb as the joke is, it's actually pretty smart too. After all, you know me...I love a good pun!

o SF wanted to tell me a joke as me and Winona and "HelloBoy" walked down the hill from school today. And of course, you of all people wanna hear it and what my response was!

Q: What does one man have but does not want, one man make but does not need, and one man need but does not have?

My A: Cheese.

Real A: A coffin

I actually found it very easy to think of the answer "cheese." After all, the whole time he was telling the joke I was thinking of saying one answer which was naturally "cheese" of course.

HelloBoy laughed out loud and so did Winona and SF, so I felt pretty good.

OH I'm so tired all the time.

Going to take a shower then to bed!

Goodnight and much LOVE!

-That Girl, Hella sleepy!

SM-ORE'S please!

Song(s) of the Day: I Do not Hook Up-Kelly Clarkson, Please don't leave me-Pink. Why? Well because Diary, BECAUSE my dear friend, freakin' LB keeps on flirting with me in freakin' Drama class and I don't like it. Sure, at my middle school I would give anything for FirstCrush-from 2nd grade to 3rdish I think-to flirt with me. He still acknowledges me with head nods and "What's up That Girll!" when we see eachother and I'm glad of it. He's a really good guy. And uhm, cute too, may I add? But at the same time, I don't like BL's flirting because I feel like he does this with all girls...I'm just another one. And it makes me a little sad and a little angry. Sure, I don't like him anymore, but I've noticed that since he was rejected a little while ago by the girl he liked, we haven't been talking quite as much. Today in Drama-hahh ironic ain't it? DRAMA class!-he wrote on my hand with a pen. He does this a lot, yes I think he is flirting. But today he wrote "That Girl loves NiceCuteGuy" on my hand. NCG is my new friend who I actually have been hanging out with after school a lot. I went to his house with EBF and her friend Funneh whose super HI-larious. 5 Gold stars to Funneh.

UGH POS-parent over shoulder. Not literally.

Ciao diary, much more to say but later.

-That Girl, confused about who she likes. Is...BOY NUMBER 1 the Correct answer or perhaps BOY NUMBER 5? Who knows.

BTW, I had SMORES at NCG's place today. More 411 tomorrow!

Much love and kisses.

You make me crazier...crazier.

Mood: Big, fat, confusing mix of confusion. Like an oversized 15% bonus bag of Chex mix with an added surprise of lime flavored Cheetos and Cream Puffs. WHAT. Exactly, that's exactly how I feel-WHAT.

Song(s) of the Day: Big, fat mix of Crazier, You Belong with Me, Fifteen, and Teardrops on my Guitar, all by Taylor Swift. It's as if she ripped open my diary pages (okay BLOG pages for this) and rhymed my words, subtracted said sarcasm and bittersweet lines of course. Oh, wait add in That Girl ain't cute by Youngblaze. I was having a just-for-fun Insult Showdown with EBFF's friend who I don't really know, we had the insult war via AIM. I won the first battle, but he stung me bad with that above song and as he said, "I knew you would have reacted like that. I'm always one step ahead of the game. Told you."

Quote of the day: Big, fat mix of "That's what she said" and "This day was the best day of school yet" and "I could easily hook you up." Yup, there's high school all summed up for you. No, it's not actually filled with dumb rah-rah head cheerleaders-mind you that I was an official rah-rah dumb head for 2 weeks take or add a few days I skipped before quitting the team, and I still wonder what the two games were like?-even though yes indeed most of them are dumb lame and all around CHEESY(!!), at least they actually think it's cool. And they believe that it's true, so why does anything else really matter? And the football team? Dumb(more or less) jocks who think that since they have a Tackling Dude Career now, they can go be jerks to other guys and screw all the girls that they feel like. Ex. is that the Jock/Stereotypical Football Player sits at my table in algebra honors (he copies the nerd's work why of course. "DURR!" the Jock would say.) says that he and the other football players play a really "DURR!", at least in my opinion it's "DURR!" game called Smear the Queer which I find both stupid, lame, and mean. It really just supports the stereotypical football player place in a school. Like, really?

Oh, I give up on cliches, there really is no way to object and/or avoid them can you. I say that not in a question because I know that there is no appropriate answer to that, DURR!

Dear Diary ((9:51 PM?? Oh shit, when did it get that late? Oh, if you haven't noticed-I'm partial to swearing now. I tell people that when they ask if I swear. I do at times, but it's not a personal favorite to swear all the time. The only swear words I can admittedly say that I say quite easily are: Hell, hella, damn, DAYUMM. Not so bad, right? I mean, if I ever let out the "F" word I would have to be pretty damn angry at someone. I hate when people say "pissed" instead of "angry" or another more logical synonym. I mean, "pissed" means to pee so I almost find it disgusting to say "pissed" in that way actually. No lie. Straight up.

HAHAHAHAHA

Sorry. I just love saying "He/She's a straight up____" and I love telling people that they're being "G's." I love to mess with people in a non-mean way. Almost like an inside joke with myself is making people confused by my random sayings. But, is the secret out now?))

As said before, I have quit the cheer squad. Team. Whatever.

It was lame beyond imaginable, like please gag me with a spoon lame, much like my not-happy biology class with a guy who used to basically have a mad crush on me and almost-stalk me.I turned him off with insults and non-hugs by now though. Thank god. He's ugly, short, and my new friend said that at her old school he would stalk "hella girls! you should stay away from him! -shudders-"

But, bio is so non-fun for me that I've told other friends before-yes I really said this out loud to the public-I'd rather shoot myself in the foot! Please just shoot. me. in. the. foot. now. Then maybe I could skip 1st period!. Followed by hair messing up by and to myself and then some much anticipated ranting, bitching, and moaning about my life. Oh right, bitch is another word I say at times too, although I don't like saying it. It makes me feel like one.

Wanna know something really weird?

DAMN! I just forgot. No, like really.

Ummmmm. Sorry. I forgot. Too late at night?

Well anyway, there's this guy in my Gym class who's a friend of my good friend who I think I named before, but I'll now call Vicky. I met Vicky at orientation and we've been pretty cool since. The guy I like is her friend. I'll call him AGymHero or AGM for short. He's really cute and although we've only talked once-a little at orientation, I really like him. A LOT. I keep looking in his direction hoping that he secretly makes secret looks at me the way I do at him. I'm not sure. I found him on Facebook through Vicky's friend list (Um, no I didn't spend an hour or two searching for him and chickening out when I could add him. We need to talk more. I don't know if he even knows my name. I just discovered his, after all. But for all you know...I never did that.) It's really weird...I don't think that I've had this kind of crush before. The shallow kind. Purely based on looks and a guess on his personality. Then again...at orientation I can distinctly remember our conversation! Did I ever tell you about it? Here's how it went:

AGH: Hey Vicky, is this your new friend?

Me: (I was trying to think of the Quick-Witted/Smart A-word, Yet Flirting With You response of "I do have a name you know!" with a cute giggle. But that didn't completely come out.)

I-I am here right now, you know. (Oh god, where did THAT come from? Was my thought. I said it was slight determination though and a tight smile so that I saw him smirk a little maybe like a Hey she kind of has a quick wit! thing was what he thought? I hope so. )

And that conversation plus a little tidbit of excess talk about the weather was how I remember orientation. I think that I've liked him since to be really honest. But I haven't told anyone this. Does he have a girlfriend? I wonder.

Oh, right I remember a little bit of what weird news I had to offer.

LightBright asked out (with my consent and a little non-literal push to do it since I was sooooo no longer into him) the girl who I forgot the name I gave her, so let's call her Shorty-because she's super duper short of course. He was rejected.

He hangs out with a lot of girls and I know what a big flirt he is now, but I no longer allow myself to flirt back or let myself start to cave in to him again.

I can't STAND flirts! I never trust them, and I don't think I ever will. I just need to learn how to handle my emotions.

But my emotions are all jumbled up. I'm so glad I'm venting right now. I was actually really starting to feel a little depressed before I started to talk the shit out of myself here. Now I feel a little better. Sure is a lot to get off my chest!

Damn Period. It's all my stupid time of the month's fault, really. I always get it around this time and have like after-cramps instead of before. Therefore, I've been PMSing all week with no relief of letting my emotions go and just holding eveything in and punching my pillow first thing when I get home.

Let's see...what else? Um.

OH YEAH! I have Health Ed, right?

DURR!

Okay, gosh I get the picture.

So, I have Health-DURR!-and I learned about how it's not healthy to do something because you feel like you need to do it. Like gambling for example, smoking for another (I hate smokers so FN much. I think you know why, it's the smell and effects of it. My dad smokes and my mom does at times too now. She doesn't know that I know.), and shopping can also be one of the examples.

I buy junk food, devouring it over George Lopez episodes on Youtube and blogging here. Okay, devour is a little extreme. More like, eat it happily.

And I always feel better after!

New Year's Resolution:

Stop eating junk food as a habit!

Life if life as school is school. Where's the real lesson and test? Can I fail one and pass the other? And what's the whole point? I still pass GO and collect the big bucks for payday, right?

-That Girl, still in that confused-as-hell bag of Chex mix.