Dear Diary,
How?
Did you get it?
Thanks.
-That Girl
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Thursday, February 7, 2019
Grow Pains, Part __.
Dear Diary,
Growing pains are not something you hear about as a kid, and you just get a glimpse as a teenager. Friend betrays you one by not inviting you to their birthday party, or a stranger looks at your acne funny while you take the bus home after classes; the guy you really like doesn't notice you and you feel powerless or waking up every day to attend classes honestly seems like such a bummer.
And I don't mean to write this post to say that there are not life events to look forward to. Oh, most definitely not. There's ... ahem - ABUNDANCE.
Sometimes, it does feel like WTF- this is ...fuckin' life? I'm 23 now, almost 24. And I will say that some things have worked out in really, really cool ways. And it looks like the small dealings of chores and passing over immediate delights for hard choices inevitably serves your higher desire to do right by people. Each decision I've made to set myself free of the lower thoughts I've had and impulses and fuckin' do the kind thing has, in turn, paid off in the way which felt right to me. It does seem like when you get to know yourself, honor, respect, and love yourself at an age older than some other people, AKA I'm the latest bloomer I've ever met, some people in your life won't like it. The more you stand up for yourself, when you didn't before, in the kindest, most compassionate way you can, some people will not understand what that change in you is. And they don't have to. I think...if you keep striving towards that light in you...that light has personally never failed me. It's the darkness that consumes you in moments of fear, fear of disapproval, fear of standing up for what's right, fear of settling, fear of change, fear of betrayal, fear of decisiveness or of age, that's when things get testy. I suppose growing up is overcoming those fears, if we have the courage to do so. Sometimes people talk in the negative regarding change and striving towards being more grounded in your life decisions, and some people will always be there to say you're not doing things the right way. But at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to live in your own head. It might as well be a place of light.
-That Girl
Growing pains are not something you hear about as a kid, and you just get a glimpse as a teenager. Friend betrays you one by not inviting you to their birthday party, or a stranger looks at your acne funny while you take the bus home after classes; the guy you really like doesn't notice you and you feel powerless or waking up every day to attend classes honestly seems like such a bummer.
And I don't mean to write this post to say that there are not life events to look forward to. Oh, most definitely not. There's ... ahem - ABUNDANCE.
Sometimes, it does feel like WTF- this is ...fuckin' life? I'm 23 now, almost 24. And I will say that some things have worked out in really, really cool ways. And it looks like the small dealings of chores and passing over immediate delights for hard choices inevitably serves your higher desire to do right by people. Each decision I've made to set myself free of the lower thoughts I've had and impulses and fuckin' do the kind thing has, in turn, paid off in the way which felt right to me. It does seem like when you get to know yourself, honor, respect, and love yourself at an age older than some other people, AKA I'm the latest bloomer I've ever met, some people in your life won't like it. The more you stand up for yourself, when you didn't before, in the kindest, most compassionate way you can, some people will not understand what that change in you is. And they don't have to. I think...if you keep striving towards that light in you...that light has personally never failed me. It's the darkness that consumes you in moments of fear, fear of disapproval, fear of standing up for what's right, fear of settling, fear of change, fear of betrayal, fear of decisiveness or of age, that's when things get testy. I suppose growing up is overcoming those fears, if we have the courage to do so. Sometimes people talk in the negative regarding change and striving towards being more grounded in your life decisions, and some people will always be there to say you're not doing things the right way. But at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to live in your own head. It might as well be a place of light.
-That Girl
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