Sunday, February 7, 2016

Wrong Love and Right Choice

Dear Diary,

Is it possible to love somebody but know that you can't end up with them at the same time? To know that you want them, but that your life won't allow for things to work out the way you wish for??
I might be falling in love with somebody who I am scared that I'll never be able to trust and that scares the shit outta me. I'm scared that I'll always long for the alone time that we share together now because I know that the two years we spent apart prior to this I thought of him constantly: where he was, was he happy, did he think of me too. When we're together everything is right, but then the world has its say and questions what I'm holding tight. I look at him and want him, but when I'm away I wonder if he looks around his shoulder for an escape just in case. History has shown him to too often cave to his desires and be easily startled into another's arms. But hey, isn't love supposed to be all trust?  I like him so much that the thought of losing him to somebody else or his last love scares me way more than in a silly way.
How can you love somebody who is impulsive?  He understands me and my weaknesses, but perhaps it isn't healthy to allow somebody to tell you that exactly what you're made of IS okay. Because what it allows for is the two of us to wallow in our escape away from our problems into each other's arms.
We are Tate and Violet. And everybody knows the gloomy foreshadowing of a romance that doesn't keep in touch with the reality of responsibilities and needs over wants. But, I want for him and badly. He's special to me.

-That Girl, passion can be real

"You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries, they only asked one question after a man died, 'Did he have passion?'" -Serendipity (2001)